Panic!
Panic on the streets of Lincoln! Panic on the streets of Cumberland!
"Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs... and take them down."- Herman J. Blume
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Stop Poking Me!
I just finished my first acupuncture appointment. I think it's working.
I had a bad run of bronchitis in October and into November. I went to the walk-in clinic three times in six weeks (and had a cycle of antibiotics each time). Ten weeks later, it's still lingering. I'd say I've gotten to no more than 75 - 80% better. Being 75% better sucks. Nobody feels bad for you. They expect you to do stuff. And you don't get any more good drugs.
So rather than go back a fourth time, I figured I'd try something else.
We spent 20 minutes or so going over my medical history. Then he took me into the back room and had my lie down. He explained to me what each needle was for the treatment of (lungs, knees, allergies) as he put them in. It was somewhat reassuring. He also checked out tongue 3 or 4 times during the appointment. Not really sure what that meant.
I was surprised to find the whole experience somewhat relaxing. I was surprised to find I had been there for two hours when I put my watch back on. The needles didn't really hurt at all (I felt them more on the way out). I'm not afraid of needles, but it's always a little scary when someone you just met is stabbing you in the spine.
The only thing keeping me from falling asleep toward the end was my full bladder. I definitely could have passed out. When I stood up to put my clothes back on, my nose immediately started running. He loosened up something in there.
He wants me off dairy for a few weeks. That will probably be the hardest part (especially during Nog Season).
Kevork did good. Part way though, I could feel my breathing get easier. It was like when you're driving on that bumpy, scraped pavement where they're working on the road and you suddenly hit the smooth part of the road. My lungs just felt smoother. If he can get the last of this bronchitis to go, it will all be worth it.
I just finished my first acupuncture appointment. I think it's working.
I had a bad run of bronchitis in October and into November. I went to the walk-in clinic three times in six weeks (and had a cycle of antibiotics each time). Ten weeks later, it's still lingering. I'd say I've gotten to no more than 75 - 80% better. Being 75% better sucks. Nobody feels bad for you. They expect you to do stuff. And you don't get any more good drugs.
So rather than go back a fourth time, I figured I'd try something else.
We spent 20 minutes or so going over my medical history. Then he took me into the back room and had my lie down. He explained to me what each needle was for the treatment of (lungs, knees, allergies) as he put them in. It was somewhat reassuring. He also checked out tongue 3 or 4 times during the appointment. Not really sure what that meant.
I was surprised to find the whole experience somewhat relaxing. I was surprised to find I had been there for two hours when I put my watch back on. The needles didn't really hurt at all (I felt them more on the way out). I'm not afraid of needles, but it's always a little scary when someone you just met is stabbing you in the spine.
The only thing keeping me from falling asleep toward the end was my full bladder. I definitely could have passed out. When I stood up to put my clothes back on, my nose immediately started running. He loosened up something in there.
He wants me off dairy for a few weeks. That will probably be the hardest part (especially during Nog Season).
Kevork did good. Part way though, I could feel my breathing get easier. It was like when you're driving on that bumpy, scraped pavement where they're working on the road and you suddenly hit the smooth part of the road. My lungs just felt smoother. If he can get the last of this bronchitis to go, it will all be worth it.
Friday, December 11, 2009
You Can Probably Skip That Shower Today, Buddy...
The gym is a highly underrated source for comedy.
Yesterday, the guy on the treadmill next to me spent 4 or 5 minutes fumbling with his iPod and his phone (alternately dropping each one) before actually turning the treadmill on.
He ran for 30 seconds at 4.7 MPH, then stopped to send text messages.
He got off the treadmill and walked around for a bit.
He then went over to a weight bench and got himself set up...
...and proceeded to send text messages for 5 minutes.
He then lifted the barbell (with NO weights on it) three times, sat back up, and started text messaging again.
Then his phone actually rang, so he left the room to take the call.
He came back five minutes later, picked up his stuff, announced "I gotta go pick up my kid!" to no one in particular, and left.
Whoa.
What made this all even better was the fact that the guy looked EXACTLY like Emeril Lagasse. So, in my mind, each text message ended with "BAM!".
Total time at gym: 25 minutes
Text messages sent: 42
Calories burnt: 8
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
Free 'tude with Oil Change
"For $34, we can change that air filter for you."
"No, that’s OK."
"The dealership is going to charge you $82."
"I can change my own air filter."
"Oh... (long pause) Are you in the business?"
"No. But I know how to change an air filter."
In the business? Seriously?
I don’t want to say where I was, but it rhymes with Iffy Pubes.
"For $34, we can change that air filter for you."
"No, that’s OK."
"The dealership is going to charge you $82."
"I can change my own air filter."
"Oh... (long pause) Are you in the business?"
"No. But I know how to change an air filter."
In the business? Seriously?
I don’t want to say where I was, but it rhymes with Iffy Pubes.
Monday, November 30, 2009
This Christmas, give the gift of good urinary tract health...
"Little Man, what should we get Mom for Christmas?"
"Cranberry juice."
"What should we get for Daisy?"
"Fries."
"Cranberry juice."
"What should we get for Daisy?"
"Fries."
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Walking (Pneumonia) Blues
Went back to the doctor yesterday... That's the third time in less than a month.
Oh Lawd... I went back to the doctor yesterday... That's the third time in less than a month.
Had to get a a shot in the butt...
...but at least I got some good drugs.
(guitar solo)
The doctor gave me some new drugs... Maybe they work better this time.
Girl, I tell you, the doctor gave me some new drugs... Maybe they work better this time.
He gave me the TussiCaps...
A TussiCap is an anti-cough medication with vicodin in convenient capsule form. Ask your health care provider if TussiCaps Extended Release Capsules may interact with other medicines that you take.
Whoo doggie.
(guitar solo)
(repeat chorus)
(fade out)
Went back to the doctor yesterday... That's the third time in less than a month.
Oh Lawd... I went back to the doctor yesterday... That's the third time in less than a month.
Had to get a a shot in the butt...
...but at least I got some good drugs.
(guitar solo)
The doctor gave me some new drugs... Maybe they work better this time.
Girl, I tell you, the doctor gave me some new drugs... Maybe they work better this time.
He gave me the TussiCaps...
A TussiCap is an anti-cough medication with vicodin in convenient capsule form. Ask your health care provider if TussiCaps Extended Release Capsules may interact with other medicines that you take.
Whoo doggie.
(guitar solo)
(repeat chorus)
(fade out)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Fishwives Are Chatty...
"Can I get a pound of the raw shrimp?"
"Sure thing. Good deal on those today."
"I know. I was going to buy the pre-cooked ones, but I can't say 'no' to $5.99 a pound."
"Right. So what are you going to do with them? If you don't mind me asking..."
"I'm thinking stir fried rice."
"Oh, that sounds good. I'm a bit of a foodie myself."
"Yeah, that's why I'm here."
"Make sure you cook them all the way through."
"OK. Thanks."
"You got a good pairing knife?"
"Definitely."
"Soak 'em good, then cut out the veins and shells."
"OK."
"And save the shells for stock. It'll be more sweet than fishy."
"I'm probably not going to do that."
"You should."
"OK, I'll think about it. Anything else?"
"No, I think that's it. You cooking them tonight?"
"Yes."
"Good. What time?"
"Probably not until 8 or so."
"OK. Don't let them sit any longer than that."
"Got it. Thanks again... I gotta get back to work."
Then she showed up at my house that night to make sure I was cooking them the right way. Really.
"Can I get a pound of the raw shrimp?"
"Sure thing. Good deal on those today."
"I know. I was going to buy the pre-cooked ones, but I can't say 'no' to $5.99 a pound."
"Right. So what are you going to do with them? If you don't mind me asking..."
"I'm thinking stir fried rice."
"Oh, that sounds good. I'm a bit of a foodie myself."
"Yeah, that's why I'm here."
"Make sure you cook them all the way through."
"OK. Thanks."
"You got a good pairing knife?"
"Definitely."
"Soak 'em good, then cut out the veins and shells."
"OK."
"And save the shells for stock. It'll be more sweet than fishy."
"I'm probably not going to do that."
"You should."
"OK, I'll think about it. Anything else?"
"No, I think that's it. You cooking them tonight?"
"Yes."
"Good. What time?"
"Probably not until 8 or so."
"OK. Don't let them sit any longer than that."
"Got it. Thanks again... I gotta get back to work."
Then she showed up at my house that night to make sure I was cooking them the right way. Really.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Adventures in Grocery Shopping
I first noticed her in the parking log. She was wearing acid washed jeans. And staggering a bit as she walked.
She was probably in her early to mid-40s, but looked much older than that. I'm guessing she was the original owner of those jeans. Both she and those jeans had seen a lot of miles together.
She siddled up to me in the meat section. I don't know if she just had a different definition of "personal space" than the rest of us or if I was just in her way. I had been sick so I couldn't really be sure, but I thought I could smell alcohol.
She eventually found what she was looking for. She then proceeded to put her items in my cart and walk off with it.
Whoa.
...and this is why they don't bother stocking good produce at my Stop and Shop. If the average customer can't find their own cart, they're sure as hell not going to be able to tell the difference between a good pepper and a lousy one.
I first noticed her in the parking log. She was wearing acid washed jeans. And staggering a bit as she walked.
She was probably in her early to mid-40s, but looked much older than that. I'm guessing she was the original owner of those jeans. Both she and those jeans had seen a lot of miles together.
She siddled up to me in the meat section. I don't know if she just had a different definition of "personal space" than the rest of us or if I was just in her way. I had been sick so I couldn't really be sure, but I thought I could smell alcohol.
She eventually found what she was looking for. She then proceeded to put her items in my cart and walk off with it.
Whoa.
...and this is why they don't bother stocking good produce at my Stop and Shop. If the average customer can't find their own cart, they're sure as hell not going to be able to tell the difference between a good pepper and a lousy one.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Just Don't Let Them See the Little One...
Bethany Beach, Delaware has a strict "Reverse 'Logan's Run'" law. No one under 30 is allowed. The whole community is geared toward preserving its permanent residents and making them feel comfortable. Visitors are allowed, but watched closely.
Luckily, Jen and I are over 30, so we're exempt. But we had to smuggle Little Man in and out of town.
Bethany Beach, Delaware has a strict "Reverse 'Logan's Run'" law. No one under 30 is allowed. The whole community is geared toward preserving its permanent residents and making them feel comfortable. Visitors are allowed, but watched closely.
Luckily, Jen and I are over 30, so we're exempt. But we had to smuggle Little Man in and out of town.
We've got a runner...
I'd hate to think of what might have happened if they caught him.
I'd hate to think of what might have happened if they caught him.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
Four Days in the DE
We went to Delaware for a four day weekend last week. It was quite lovely.
Being "The First State" and one of the original Thirteen Colonies, I expected it to be a little more "New Englandy". Delaware was more like "Florida North" than a Mid-Atlantic New England state. It's very flat. There's lots of beaches. The only culture is agriculture. There's tons of retired people (I would guess they're mostly ex-Navy and Air Force. They've just got that look about them.)
Other than the first 1/3rd of the state, there's nowhere to work. I can definitely see the appeal of retiring there (no sales tax!), but I'm still a few years away from that.
Delaware is much more rural than I expected. Especially as you move away from the coast. There were farms! Lots of corn. And are those soy beans? Huh.
We were waaay down at the very end of Delaware. For the second smallest state, it was a lot longer than I expected. We took a short drive and found ourselves in Ocean City, Maryland. Which felt like a whole other planet.
I thoroughly enjoyed my first Five Guys Burgers and Fries experience. They make their burgers and fries from actual food! I almost ate Jen's burger out from under her. Good stuff.
The beaches were pretty sweet though. None of that rocky crap like we have here.
And crabs. Oh man, does Delaware have crabs.
Being "The First State" and one of the original Thirteen Colonies, I expected it to be a little more "New Englandy". Delaware was more like "Florida North" than a Mid-Atlantic New England state. It's very flat. There's lots of beaches. The only culture is agriculture. There's tons of retired people (I would guess they're mostly ex-Navy and Air Force. They've just got that look about them.)
Other than the first 1/3rd of the state, there's nowhere to work. I can definitely see the appeal of retiring there (no sales tax!), but I'm still a few years away from that.
Delaware is much more rural than I expected. Especially as you move away from the coast. There were farms! Lots of corn. And are those soy beans? Huh.
We were waaay down at the very end of Delaware. For the second smallest state, it was a lot longer than I expected. We took a short drive and found ourselves in Ocean City, Maryland. Which felt like a whole other planet.
I thoroughly enjoyed my first Five Guys Burgers and Fries experience. They make their burgers and fries from actual food! I almost ate Jen's burger out from under her. Good stuff.
The beaches were pretty sweet though. None of that rocky crap like we have here.
And crabs. Oh man, does Delaware have crabs.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Pat Canole's TV Shows of the Decade
10. Arrested Development
9. Flight of the Conchords
8. The Venture Bros.
7. Futurama
6. 30 Rock
5. The Sopranos
4. Deadwood
3. Mad Men
2. Lost
1. The Wire
Honorable mention to "South Park". Those guys can still crush it when they want to.
"Pushing Daisies" was pretty good, too.
"The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" are consistently great.
And "Good Eats". Man, I love that show.
10. Arrested Development
9. Flight of the Conchords
8. The Venture Bros.
7. Futurama
6. 30 Rock
5. The Sopranos
4. Deadwood
3. Mad Men
2. Lost
1. The Wire
Honorable mention to "South Park". Those guys can still crush it when they want to.
"Pushing Daisies" was pretty good, too.
"The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" are consistently great.
And "Good Eats". Man, I love that show.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Pat Canole's Albums of the Decade
10. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - Shake the Sheets (2004)
9. Radiohead - In Rainbows (2007)
8. Interpol - Antics (2005)
7. Sufjan Stevens - Illinoise (2005)
6. Fountains Of Wayne - Welcome Interstate Managers (2003)
5. The New Pornographers - Electric Version (2003)
4. Aimee Mann - Bachelor No. 2 (2000)
3. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - Hearts Of Oak (2003)
2. The White Stripes - Elephant (2003)
1. The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema (2005)
10. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - Shake the Sheets (2004)
9. Radiohead - In Rainbows (2007)
8. Interpol - Antics (2005)
7. Sufjan Stevens - Illinoise (2005)
6. Fountains Of Wayne - Welcome Interstate Managers (2003)
5. The New Pornographers - Electric Version (2003)
4. Aimee Mann - Bachelor No. 2 (2000)
3. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - Hearts Of Oak (2003)
2. The White Stripes - Elephant (2003)
1. The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema (2005)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Recapping the Day
Me: So did you have a good day today?
Little Man: Yeah.
Me: Did you have fun at the playground?
Little Man: Yeah. And ice cream.
Little Man: Yeah.
Me: Did you have fun at the playground?
Little Man: Yeah. And ice cream.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
"More Nooj! MORE NOOJ!"
We've created an orange juice loving monster at home.
Apple and cranberry are no longer on the Acceptable Juices list.
Milk is sometimes OK.
But once they put a train car on the side of the Tropicana box, it was all over. Juice AND trains? Forget it.
We've created an orange juice loving monster at home.
Apple and cranberry are no longer on the Acceptable Juices list.
Milk is sometimes OK.
But once they put a train car on the side of the Tropicana box, it was all over. Juice AND trains? Forget it.
"What do you mean they don't serve orange juice here?!"
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I swear this conversation actually happened...
"So what do you get for gas mileage in that thing?"
"My Fit? 35 - 36. A little bit better than advertised."
I point to his Vette.
"What do you get for mileage in that thing?"
"Low 20s in the city. Maybe 28 on the highway."
"What's your 0 - 60?"
"Don't know... Under 5."
"Yeah, I'm almost twice that."
"They got a Chevy coming out gonna get 250 miles per gallon."
"Yeah, but it ain't out yet."
"I'm a gonna have them make my Hummer a hybrid."
"What?!"
"Yeah. Dealer says he can do it for $15 thousand."
"You're going to spend $15 grand to retro-fit a Hummer as a hybrid?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not?"
"Wouldn't that money be better spent on a new car that got better mileage? Or, you know, gas?"
"Yeah, but this one is a collectible, Man. They don't make them anymore."
"OK."
He was late 30s. A war veteran according to his plates. And apparently had eff you money.
He was of mixed ethnicity. Maybe half Asian, half Hispanic.
And all Ro Dilunduh.
"So what do you get for gas mileage in that thing?"
"My Fit? 35 - 36. A little bit better than advertised."
I point to his Vette.
"What do you get for mileage in that thing?"
"Low 20s in the city. Maybe 28 on the highway."
"What's your 0 - 60?"
"Don't know... Under 5."
"Yeah, I'm almost twice that."
"They got a Chevy coming out gonna get 250 miles per gallon."
"Yeah, but it ain't out yet."
"I'm a gonna have them make my Hummer a hybrid."
"What?!"
"Yeah. Dealer says he can do it for $15 thousand."
"You're going to spend $15 grand to retro-fit a Hummer as a hybrid?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not?"
"Wouldn't that money be better spent on a new car that got better mileage? Or, you know, gas?"
"Yeah, but this one is a collectible, Man. They don't make them anymore."
"OK."
He was late 30s. A war veteran according to his plates. And apparently had eff you money.
He was of mixed ethnicity. Maybe half Asian, half Hispanic.
And all Ro Dilunduh.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Important Stuff
Little Man knows where all the important stuff in the neighborhood is.
When we drive by the ice cream place, he says "Ice cream... Ice CREAM!"
When we drive by the fire station, he says "Fire trucks... Fire TRUCKS!"
The bike path entrance is the latest addition to the List of Important Places:
"Ride bikes... RIDE BIKES!"
When we drive by the ice cream place, he says "Ice cream... Ice CREAM!"
When we drive by the fire station, he says "Fire trucks... Fire TRUCKS!"
The bike path entrance is the latest addition to the List of Important Places:
"Ride bikes... RIDE BIKES!"
Friday, August 07, 2009
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
This guy woke me up at 5:00 one morning recently.
My first thought was that our Wacky Neighbor had started keeping farm animals.
But, as it turns out, this guy was out by himself having a night on the town.
I felt bad for him at first. Be safe, Little Rooster.
But then he tried to peck at Jen. And he chased me around the driveway. And I started to not like him so much.
So why did the chicken cross the road?
To harass us, obviously. To terrorize us. To make us feel unsafe in our own home.
This cock was a real prick.
This guy woke me up at 5:00 one morning recently.
My first thought was that our Wacky Neighbor had started keeping farm animals.
But, as it turns out, this guy was out by himself having a night on the town.
I felt bad for him at first. Be safe, Little Rooster.
But then he tried to peck at Jen. And he chased me around the driveway. And I started to not like him so much.
So why did the chicken cross the road?
To harass us, obviously. To terrorize us. To make us feel unsafe in our own home.
This cock was a real prick.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sometimes Your Dog Needs to Be with Other Dogs...
Daisy had her first "doggie daycare" session a few weeks back.
Did I spend the whole day checking in on the live webcam? Hell yes. Twenty dogs running around a large open room = hilarious.
It's good for her because:
A) we're going to be boarding her there, so I want her to have a positive association with the place
B) she doesn't really get to spend much time around other dogs during her normal day
We even got a report card at the end of the day.
She spent the rest of the weekend like this:
(I think she liked it.)
Daisy had her first "doggie daycare" session a few weeks back.
Did I spend the whole day checking in on the live webcam? Hell yes. Twenty dogs running around a large open room = hilarious.
It's good for her because:
A) we're going to be boarding her there, so I want her to have a positive association with the place
B) she doesn't really get to spend much time around other dogs during her normal day
We even got a report card at the end of the day.
She spent the rest of the weekend like this:
(I think she liked it.)
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Judy Can Feel Daddy's Scratch Face...
During "Pat the Bunny" at "Now YOU feel Daddy's scratchy face", Little Maneels the book...
Pauses...
Gives my chin a rub...
Pauses again...
Then starts rubbing his own face.
(He thinks he's hilarious.)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Pat Canole's Movies of the Decade
1) The Incredibles
2) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3) Primer
4) WALL-E
5) American Splendor
6) Kill Bill Vol 1 / Vol 2
7) No Country for Old Men
8) Amelie
9) Sideways
10) The Royal Tenenbaums
Honorable Mention:
The Departed
Ghost World
The Prestige
A History of Violence
Hot Fuzz
Kung Fu Hustle
Children of Men
Once
Memento
Spirited Away
Audition
Lord of the Rings
Very special honorable mention to "The Wicker Man", which has to be the most hilariously dumb movie in quite some time.
1) The Incredibles
2) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3) Primer
4) WALL-E
5) American Splendor
6) Kill Bill Vol 1 / Vol 2
7) No Country for Old Men
8) Amelie
9) Sideways
10) The Royal Tenenbaums
Honorable Mention:
The Departed
Ghost World
The Prestige
A History of Violence
Hot Fuzz
Kung Fu Hustle
Children of Men
Once
Memento
Spirited Away
Audition
Lord of the Rings
Very special honorable mention to "The Wicker Man", which has to be the most hilariously dumb movie in quite some time.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
At a Stop Light This Morning
Lady with the puffball on a leash: Hey, is that a Fit?
Me: Yup.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: How do you like it?
Me: I absolutely love it.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: I'm thinking about getting one.
Me: Go for it.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: (pumps fist in air)
She was probably in her 60s. That made the fist pumping that much funnier for me.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: Hey, is that a Fit?
Me: Yup.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: How do you like it?
Me: I absolutely love it.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: I'm thinking about getting one.
Me: Go for it.
Lady with the puffball on a leash: (pumps fist in air)
She was probably in her 60s. That made the fist pumping that much funnier for me.
Ups and Downs... Strikes and Gutters...
We've been working on the alphabet with Little Man. He usually can do one letter at a time if you point to him at the right moment.
Wife: "Q... R... S... T... U..."
(Wife points to Little Man)
Little Man: "VEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Well, last night, Little Man got through "Q R S T U V" all by himself.
It came out as "QRS... TUV.." but it was still pretty exciting.
Then he stuck his finger up his nose.
That's my boy.
Wife: "Q... R... S... T... U..."
(Wife points to Little Man)
Little Man: "VEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Well, last night, Little Man got through "Q R S T U V" all by himself.
It came out as "QRS... TUV.." but it was still pretty exciting.
Then he stuck his finger up his nose.
That's my boy.
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