Deer Don't Hurt Nobody

Hung out with the Dude-Bros at the barbershop the other day.

They've got a small barbershop on the first floor of an old house in mixed use residential / light commercial area.

They've got 2 giant TVs that are right in your face.

And they turn them up so they're loud enough to be heard over 4 sets of clippers running at the same time.

Last time I was there they were watching some Alaskan State Troopers show (which I was OK with).

This time they were watching Citizens Under Attack.  Which was some type of armed robbery surveillance footage show.  I was not OK with that.

Also, you're supposed to yell stuff at the TV.

***

Overheard at the same visit:

CUSTOMER (with strong RI accent): I don't hunt deer.  Deer don't hurt nobody.  I only hunt bear.

(It sounded like he was hunting bear with a handgun.  Seriously.)

Garden Report

New garden is doing great (except for the spinach... it just didn't grow this year).

We still need to put a gate on the fence.

As you can see in this crude awesome graphic, the new garden area gets much more mid-day sun.

Also... The relocated grass is growing nicely.  If I had moved all that grass by hand and it died, I would have been super pissed.

"Listen! Do you smell something?"

I haven't really been able to smell anything for the last 2 years.  I figured it was just years of allergies and sinus infections finally catching up to me.  And I know it was sometime in the last 2 years because I really can't tell when Kid #2 needs a change.

"Is his diaper full?"

"I honestly don't know."

I mentioned my smelling problems to my allergist at my last visit.  And they sent me to an ENT specialist to get it checked out.

ENT guys gives me mega-horse pill antibiotics and super prednisone.

"Have you lost your sense of taste?"

"I don't think so."

Only I didn't realize how much I actually had.

Five days later...  Everything tastes SO GOOD to me right now.

(And... everything smells... kinda awful...)

Long story short, I've probably had a sinus infection for THE LAST TWO YEARS.

I'm tapering off the prednisone.  Right now.

And I can actually feel it.  I'm tripping balls.

It is... unpleasant.

Raisin Bran Car

Finally got a picture of this guy recently

Why would you do this to your car?  

Was he always a Raisin Bran enthusiast?

Is he trying to promote proper colon health?

Is his other car done up like a box of Apple Jacks?

I have no idea.

Ray's House

I've got an app on my phone called Foodspoting.  It lets you look at pictures of nearby restaurant dishes submitted by users.

Except there's some guy in my neighborhood named Ray who keeps posting various junk food items from his house.  As far as I can tell, "Ray's House" is not an actual restaurant.

I'm thinking of showing up at his house some time and asking to see a menu.

I wonder if he takes reservations.

a partial break down of Sir William Joel's "Only the Good Die Young"

I heard this song in the car this morning for the first time in years...  And I never realized how hilarious it actually is (intentionally or unintentionally).

I also wonder how many young men in the 70s and 80s played this song for their girlfriends in an attempt to generate actual intercourse.  It has to be in the tens of thousands, right?  (And... Did it ever actually work?)


> Come out Virginia, don't let me wait

Her name actually has the word VIRGIN in it.  I just got that.


> Only the good die young

Are there vampires on the lookout for virgins here?  Is someone demanding a virgin sacrifice?

Is that what Long Island was like in 60s?

"If you don't have sex with me... I'm not saying you WILL die... But you COULD die.  Seriously.  Oh, and it has to be tonight."


> I might as well be the one

"Listen... Are the other guys you could sleep with?  Sure.  I'm not debating that.  I don't even have reason to believe that you're necessarily that crazy about me.  But... You know... I'm here.  And you're here... So... We might as well, right?  You could do worse."


> But Virginia they didn't give you quite enough information

Based on the interactions I've had with people that attended Catholic high schools, I'm guessing they didn't really give her any kind of sexual education information.


> I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints

That's actually not a bad line.


> You Catholic girls start much too late

Start what?  Piano lessons?  Gymnastics?


> Things that you might have done...

Like had sex.  With me.

Overheard at lunch yesterday

"I love my Buick."

"That is a good car."

"My father always had Buicks."

"That is a good car."

"It's probably time to get a new one... but they just last forever!"

"That is a good car."



Average age at the table:

68

Hey yo... That's my jam!

I call this one "Bread Aisle at Target (So Sad)"

Unplanned Daddy Wednesday - Barfies Edition

10:34  I get The Call from daycare.  Kid #2.  Full on barfies.  Daycare, why don't you ever call just to say "hi"?  Or see how I'm doing?  Why is it always bad news?

11:00 I get to daycare and he's napping.  Should I leave him?  Go do some shopping and come back?  Nope, they're about test the fire alarm.  That would have been a short, angry nap.

I convince Kid #1 to stay at school and I'll come get him early.  This is a very delicate negotiation.  Would I like to have some extra time with him at home?  Absolutely.  But if I'm going to be cleaning up barfies, it'll be easier to only have 1 kid at home.

11:25 Made it home.  Read "Dog" twice.  Got a few sips of water in him.  Thankfully, he's not unpleasant.  Just a little out of it.  He goes down for a nap relatively easily.

11:45 Open up the Barfy Clothes Bag.  Whoa.  The scent knocks me back.  The front of his clothes are *completely* covered.  Again... The utility sink saves the day.,

12:30  Still sleeping.  Should I let him sleep?  I should probably let him sleep.  Is he going to be hungry when he wakes up?

12:35 Hey Dummy... Why don't you feed yourself while he's still sleeping?

12:45 Per Wife's orders, I Lysol everything.  Even the hand sanitizer.

12:50 I watch a Twilight Zone episode.  This is the one where the main character gets their wish and nothing at all bad happens to them.

1:05 Back awake.  And... He's pleasant!  He takes in trace amounts of water and Pedialyte

1:10 Why is the dog having a spazz attack?

1:12 Apparently she needed to go roll around in the snow RIGHT NOW.

1:30 Little Guy is napping on me now.  Parents always say stuff like "I wish *I* could get this instead of them" when one of the kids is sick.  But we all know it doesn't work that way.  Your best case scenario is that nobody else gets it and it's over quickly.

2:25 Wake and barf.  Some of it made it to the bucket!

2:30 - 3:00 Cleanup.

3:05 I worry that I might be coming down with it, too.  I call in reinforcements.

4:15 Everyone home now.  Another round of barfing from the Little Guy.  This time, ALL of it makes it into the bucket.

4:30 He's drinking something now.  This is an improvement.

5:10 More barfies.

5:15 Diaper is wet.  Good sign.

5:27 And now the dog is barfing.  OH HELL NO.  Thankfully there is another adult here now to help (Hi Honey!)

5:40 Whole bunch more barfing.  Is this the last of it?  I hope this is the last of it.

6:50 Little Guy appears to be hungry for basic foods.  He appears to be making a come back.  Outstanding.

8:20 The Small People are in bed. We seem to have achieved a relative level of stability.  As of this writing, I have not come down with anything myself.  And everything has been coated with three layers of Lysol.

Jenkins

Jenkins!  Get in my office!

Sir?

Jenkins... I'm looking at the report you turned in... And I'm not impressed.

Sorry, Sir.  What seems to be the problem?

This planet you recommended for invasion... Isn't it 70% water?

Yes, Sir.

SEVENTY.  PERCENT.  WATER.

Sir?

And aren't we, as a species, mortally wounded by water?

Ahhhh... Right.  I had completely forgot all about that.

I'm mean... C'mon... We're talking about a full scale PLANETARY INVASION here.  You don't just wing it.  A lot of planning has to go into these things. Pay attention to the chemistry and composition reports next time.

Yes, Sir.  Sorry Sir.

What will the humans think of us if we invade a planet then have to turn around simply because we can't handle what appears to be one of their most abundant resources?

Not very much, Sir.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to make me look bad.