Wednesday, December 26, 2012

...Not if You Want Him to Help You.


"I know a man...  A man that can help you.  This man... He makes problems like yours go away. Go downtown.   Bring cash.  To the 5500 block of Main Street.  After the nail place but before the coffee place, there's a door between the two. If you weren't looking for it, you'd walk right past it.  Look for a sign on a door that says 'Froggy'.  Knock twice... then wait.  Oh... And one more thing... Don't ask him about the name.  At least not if you want him to help you."




Tuesday, November 27, 2012

20 pounds


I lost 20 pounds over two years.  After being 185 most of my adult life, I'm now at 165 (actually, a little under...).  I feel better.  I feel stronger.  I feel faster.  My knees don't hurt like they used to.

Here's what worked for me:

1) Eat better.

2) Run.

3) Lift weights.

The biggest hurdle for me was getting over the "I can't lose weight", "My body just wants to be this size", "I'm on the wrong side of 30" kind of negative thinking.  Just put all that behind you.

Don't try to lose 20 pounds in a month.  It's probably not healthy or sustainable.

Weigh yourself once a week.  Write it down.

Eat like a grownup.  Get used to smaller portions.  Lay off the sugar.  Lay off the soda.  Get enough protein.  Eat fruits and vegetables.  Eat nuts.  Eat oatmeal.  Don't eat too much after dinner (unless you're working out late).  And... Lay off the sugar.  Seriously.

I give myself a cheat day once a week where I don't necessarily go crazy, but I'm a little less restrictive.

Run - Resist the urge to let yourself eat whatever you want because you're running.  I had a hard time with that.

Lift - Muscle burns calories just being there.  Plus it looks badass.  A.B.S. - Always be squatting.  You've got lots of big muscles in your legs.  Use them.

The biggest drawback is that all my pants are too big now.  I can't really leave the house without wearing a belt.

I'm not done yet.  I've still got some tighting up to do.  But I felt like the 20 pounds milestone was worth mentioning.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

At The Gym...


(Two guys in their 40s.  Shouting to each other from 8 feet apart.)


GUY 1: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs?

GUY 2: HUH?

GUY 1: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs?

GUY 2: YEAH, I'M GONNA WORK ON TRIs.

GUY 1: I'M GONNA WORK ON TRIs NOW.

GUY 2: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs NOW?

GUY 1: YEAH.

GUY 2: OK.


The lesson here - make sure everyone in the room knows what you're working on at all times.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Closing Ceremonies

Whatever Fatboy Slim was on last Sunday night must have been AWESOME.

He looked like he was having the best time of anyone there.








Monday, June 25, 2012

Junior Food Critic

Kid #1: I don't want to eat what you're making for dinner. It smells dreadful.

Me: Well, I'm disappointed in your eating choices but I'm impressed with your vocabulary.

Mortgage Blues

Payin' that mortgage on time...
Oh yes, I'm payin' that mortgage on time...
Gonna make that payment electronically.
'Cause I'm payin' that mortgage on time.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Bee Sting







Got stung on the big toe. May have let out an M-F bomb in front of the boys. Father of the Year application currently under review...

Monday, June 11, 2012

Loan Request

"So I understand you're looking for a loan?"

"Yes."

"For your... Video game company?  Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"OK then... Have you ever run a company before?"

"No."

"Have ever worked in the video game industry?"

"Ah... no."

"Well... How about a related technology field?"

"Also no."

"So... What relevant skills are you bringing to the table here?"

"None, really."

"And what was your previous job?"

"I used to throw a baseball for a living."

"OK.  I'm convinced.  Here's $100 million."

Thursday, May 24, 2012

What's that smell?

Due to years of allergies and sinus infections, my sense of smell comes and goes.  The last few years or so it has mostly been gone.

HOWEVER... it has come back in a big way the last week or so.

...And everything smells horrible to me.

Right now, my brain is overwhelmed.  It's like I've forgotten how to filter out these things.

Late spring moisture and early summer heat is combining to make everything kinda earthy - funky.

"Oh Gawd... The dog smells AW-FUL."

"What the hell is that?  Is that the compost pile?  Yikes."

(Also, my poor wife is probably getting sick of me listing the things I can smell.)

Tonight I will attempt to dull my overloaded senses with a good strong beverage.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Married Life

"So I looked up the Todd character from "Boogie Nights".  I was wondering why everyone else went on to have big careers but not him.  It turns out it was Thomas Jane."

"I don't know who Todd is."

"You know the firecracker scene toward the end of the movie where they're about to rip the guy off?"

"No."

"With the Chinese kid throwing firecrackers as the tension builds?  As "Sister Christian" plays?  It's kind of an iconic scene."

"I haven't seen that movie as many times as you have."

"We watched it last night."

"Oh.  I must have been asleep."

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Whiskey talk

Friends, Romans, alcoholics... Lend me your palettes.
 
I was lucky enough to get to try the Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve 20 year recently.  I shall now spend the rest of my life trying to recreate that experience.

Believe the hype.  It's that good.

If you ever come across a bottle, buy it.

I'm leaving a little room at the top of my rankings just in case I taste something better some day...  But... I'm not going to hold my breath.

Pat's updated all time Scotch / Bourbon / Whiskey ratings:


 

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Daddy Wednesday - April 5th, 2012

Home with both kids for the first time.


8:50 Put on "Iron Giant" for Kid #1.  He narrates the action as it happens for Kid #2.  This is actually pretty cute.

9:15 Spending most of my time feeding the boys.  No coffee for me yet.

9:20 Coffee headache.  Gah.

9:30 Kid #1 won't stop eating (note to self: ask doctor if tapeworm or growth spurt)

9:45 Kid #2 can hold the bottle by himself now.  Good stuff.

10:15 No nap from Kid #2 yet.  Degree of difficulty: All Pro.

10:45 Nose got.

11:00 Give Kid #2 the "finger test" to see if he's hungry.  He nearly takes my finger off.

11:05 Five minutes of bottle, then he passes out.  Niiiice.

11:15 Kid #1 perfectly happy with a morning of "Phineas and Ferb" and legos.

12:15 Kid #1 declares he doesn't need a nap.  I'm going to play along and see how this turns out.  (Spoiler alert: not well)

12:35 Hands are DELICIOUS.

12:45 Flushable toddler wipes help make a house a home.

2:00 Walkies.

2:30 The walk did not produce the desired napping effect.  Now entering: Fussytown.  Population: Us.

2:45 After a bottle... ANGRY NAPS.

3:30 ANGRY AWAKE.

3:45 Now Kid #1 starts acting up.

4:00 Kid #2 starts boxing his reflection in the mirror.

4:30 Kid #1 REALLY acting up now.  Kid #2 upset, but he's not really sure why.  Degree of difficulty: All Madden.

5:25 Tag me out.  I'm done.


One last thought- It's amazing how quickly healthy eating gets tossed out the window when you're taking care of small people.

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Daddy Wednesday.  Week 4.

(Parenting pro tip:  Never wear black when spending the day with a baby.  Neutral colors hide the baby blam much better.)

9:00 - 9:45  First bottle of the day is always tough.  Just waiting for the first BIG POOP of the day before we go out (him, not me).

9:46 Annnnnd... There it is.

9:49 WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GODDAMNED BUTTONS THIS OUTFIT?!

10:05 Get dressed, Baby...  We're going out!

10:20 - 11:30 OUT!  Fresh air!  Sunshine!  Visiting!  Conversations!  With other adults!

11:30 Back home.  The house smells like stale coffee and asparagus pee with a hint of dog.  Might be time to open up a window.  (Note to self:  These are the things you don't realize when you don't leave the house.)  The boy is sleeping hard.

12:20 What is that sound?

12:22 Holy crap, Crazy Neighbor is blowing up a bouncy house.  (What other wacky antics am I missing while I'm at work during the day?)

12:30 I make a bagel for myself, then proceed to grab it from the toaster without having a plate to put it on.  Damn.  Again... Parenting kills brain cells.

1:35 Two hour nap.  Then sad.

1:45 After a bottle and a poop, he seems much better.

2:15 Aaga booga boo gabbas.

2:30 How big is Baby?  SO BIG!

2:45 - 3:00 Tummy time, peek-a-boo, rolling around on the floor, and general silliness.

3:02 I go to the bathroom then get the "Oh my God, I thought you were never coming back" look.

3:05 - 3:30 Walkies.  More fresh air.  Glorious.

3:32 I spot a hawk swooping over the area we were just walking.  LOOKING FOR TASTY TASTY BABY MEAT, NO DOUBT.

3:40 - 4:20 Unexpected second nap.  There might be something to this fresh air thing.

5:30 Back home with Mom.  I drop back down to #2 on the depth chart.

8:15 The boys are in bed.  The dog has been dewatered.  The trash has been taken out.  Magic Happy scotch Time for Daddy.

"You guys doing anything this weekend?"

"Not much.  Just having the Johnson-Weiners over for dinner."

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Daddy Wednesday

After 13 weeks at home with the new baby, my wife is going back to work part time.  I'll be taking Wednesdays off to help out with the transition and get a little bonding time in with Kid #2 (Little D).

Here's my running diary of the first Daddy Wednesday with Kid #2.


6:20 Up to let the dog out.  Kid #1 hears me shortly after and wants to get up, too.

6:30 - 7:05 Getting Kid #1 dressed.  This should normally be a 10 minute job.  Not a good sign of things to come.

7:25 We're off to a great start.  Kid #1 has epic meltdown because he can't have Valentine's Day candy for breakfast.  Timeout.

8:15 Get Kid #1 to daycare.  There will come a day when I can handle both kids alone all day.  Today is not that day.  One of the daycare teachers tries to steal Little D.  I think she's kidding.

8:40 Home.  Coffee (for me, not the baby).

9:05 - 9:40 The morning nap is just a rumor.  Finally get him to take the first bottle of the day.  He obviously prefers "on tap".

10:00 Little D seems to like "Flight of the Conchords" reruns more than "Louie".  He's not big on pathos.

10:00 - 10:28 Staring at each other.

10:30 HUNGRY.

11:02 He falls asleep in my arms.  I sneeze immediately after and wake him up again.  Dammit.

11:28 I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Yikes.

11:31 - 11:33 Shave, shower, take the dog out.

11:50 Find myself talking to the TV.

11:53 First attempt at my own lunch.

11:55 - 12:15 We play the game where I walk him around and he cries when I stop moving.  Nobody wins.

12:45 Happy fun smile time.

1:00 Second attempt at lunch.

1:20  "Could you please take a nap for Daddy?"  He just smiles and laughs at me.

1:40 Nap.  Finally.  (I also pass out for 20 minutes.)

2:20 HUNGRY.

2:40 Back to sleep.

4:30 Holy crap, still sleeping.

5:05 Up from the Epic Late Afternoon Nap.  No longer fighting me on the bottle.  Chatty.

5:15 Little D can't stop staring at his hands.  They must be awesome...

5:35 Reinforcements arrive.  Phew.


6:00 - 8:00 Dinner.  Wresting.  Baths.  Stories.  Bedtime for the boys.

9:30 I pass out on the couch (about 45 minutes before my normal bedtime).

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Cast Iron Skillet Cookies


I'm sorry and / or you're welcome.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

The Nesting Continues...


I had some time off recently.  Naturally, I decided to spend it crawling around the attic.

I threw a whole bunch of insulation up against the roof of our old Cape (at least the parts I could get to).

You can see where the insulation is working.

And where it's not.