Dear Tim Hortons,

Please come to my town. If you opened a new store here, I promise I would go at least twice a week.

Sincerely,

Pat

Picture Pages

The "camera phone full of pictures" has officially replaced the wallet of pictures.

At a wedding a few weeks back, we spent 10 minutes exchanging yellow lab photos with another couple.

I'm having a big head day!

58 Brats

I watched this over the weekend (Kobayashi sets brat-eating record). Unbelievable.

I ate two brats one time. I thought I was going to be sick.

My next bumper sticker:

So Glad I Have a Fixed Rate Mortgage.

Under Pressure

We cleaned up the house a little bit this weekend. Looks good.

Before:



After:

Magic 8 Ball, will Samuel L. Jackson be able to handle the motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane?

IT IS CERTAIN.

Customer Relations

Yes, I'll take a free replacement for my burned out aquarium hood. Thank you very much.

Sox Talk

After reading "Forget the future, the time is now" in the Boston Herald by whiney bitch Tony Massarotti, I was motivated to write the following:


"What Has Santa Claus Done for ME Lately?"

(or: "What the Fuck is my Problem?")

by Tony Massarotti

Santa used to bring me toys all the time when I was a kid. Now it seems like there's nothing under the tree. My mom said I have to wait for *Christmas* for Santa to come. Can you believe that? That's like four months away.

My mom says Santa has a long term plan for me. Sure, I've got a whole room full of other toys, but I've already played with all of them. Meanwhile, it's summer NOW, and I want some new toys!

And what's with having to go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap and tell him whether or not we were good? Shouldn't he just *know* if we've been good? All the other kids look up with glazed eyes and a stupid smile, "Yes, Santa. I've been very good this year."

And seriously... what's my problem? Why am I so angry? Don't my parents love me? Did the girls on the playground tell me I have cooties? Am I just angry my testicles haven't dropped yet?

If I don't get some presents right now, I'm going to throw a fit right here. Or maybe I'll just shut up if you buy me a cookie.

*****


(Needless to say, I disagree with his arguments...)

I sent it to the Herald, but I can't imagine they'll do anything with it.

But I feel better.