Sox Talk

After reading "Forget the future, the time is now" in the Boston Herald by whiney bitch Tony Massarotti, I was motivated to write the following:


"What Has Santa Claus Done for ME Lately?"

(or: "What the Fuck is my Problem?")

by Tony Massarotti

Santa used to bring me toys all the time when I was a kid. Now it seems like there's nothing under the tree. My mom said I have to wait for *Christmas* for Santa to come. Can you believe that? That's like four months away.

My mom says Santa has a long term plan for me. Sure, I've got a whole room full of other toys, but I've already played with all of them. Meanwhile, it's summer NOW, and I want some new toys!

And what's with having to go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap and tell him whether or not we were good? Shouldn't he just *know* if we've been good? All the other kids look up with glazed eyes and a stupid smile, "Yes, Santa. I've been very good this year."

And seriously... what's my problem? Why am I so angry? Don't my parents love me? Did the girls on the playground tell me I have cooties? Am I just angry my testicles haven't dropped yet?

If I don't get some presents right now, I'm going to throw a fit right here. Or maybe I'll just shut up if you buy me a cookie.

*****


(Needless to say, I disagree with his arguments...)

I sent it to the Herald, but I can't imagine they'll do anything with it.

But I feel better.