Spoiler Alert!

Pajama Jeans

I'm spreading the word about pajama jeans now as a warning.

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE.

Parking Job of the Week

Pat Report - Special Asthma Investigation Edition


Short version:

Who's got two thumbs and probably doesn't have asthma?

THIS GUY!



Long version:

Today was the methacholine challenge.  This is the third (and hopefully final) test my new allergy and asthma doctor has ordered to see if I actually have exercise induced asthma (we've been operating under the assumption that I've had asthma for the last year).

You breath into a tube and they measure your lung capacity.  Then you inhale a bunch of chemicals that taste like band-aids and swimming pool.  It's supposed to make your lungs tighten up (your twenty-five cent word of the day is "bronchoconstriction").  Then you breath into the tube again.

For a guy my age, height and weight, I had roughly 150% of the lung capacity you would have expected for someone with asthma to start with (thanks, running!).

After inhaling the drugs... I was still at 150% (actually, slightly better).

So... I still have to have a follow-up with my new doctor, but this tests strongly indicates no asthma.

The moral of the story is that sometimes doctors can be dipshits, too.

The only question now is how to tell my old doctor allergy I'll be leaving.  Do I just not make another appointment?  Or do I write the "Dear Dr. Douchebag" letter?  The temptation is strong.

And I no longer have to take the medication that lists "asthma related death" as a possible side effect.  So there's that.

Toddler in a Box

For all your shipping needs.

Puppy Friday

What's that you say?

You guys don't have Puppy Friday in your office?

That's a shame.

Ever See a Positive Allergy Test?

Oh man, that's itchy...


Someday when I get a tattoo, it'll say "antihistamines for life".

I Say "Doctor, Ain't There Nothin' I Can Take..."

I spoke to a new asthma and allergy doctor this week.  He listened to my questions.  He asked follow up questions.

He didn't give me one word answers.  He never asked me to "trust his 20 years experience".

He actually ordered up some tests instead of just guessing at the problem and handing me some pills.

It was a much much better experience.

The kicker - the new guy doesn't even think I have asthma.

He thinks it might be some kind of long running low grade sinus infection that I never got rid of.

Wednesday was the nebulizer test (asthma) and sinus CT scan.

Next week is a scratch test (allergies)... which means I have to give up my Benadryl habit for a few days.

The week after is a "methacholine challenge".  Which I think is a segment from "Double Dare".

He also told me stop with the Symbicort.  Which is good.  Because every time the commercial comes on and mentions "asthma related death", I kinda shit my pants just a little bit.


So the big question is... Why does this feel like such a revelation to find a doctor who listens and tries to solve problems?  Shouldn't they all be like that?

Thanksgiving Pie

 This poor guy didn't stand a chance.

Football Blog

Just in case you missed the link over at the side, be sure to check out my Patriots blog.

I Think He Wants More Candy...

Me:  Thursday is a holiday.  It's Thanksgiving.  We're going to take the day off from work and school and go visit Nana and Grampa.

Little Man:  No, it's Halloween again.

Last of the 2010 Taters

Waffle Party Goodness

Dancing Man

Homemade Bread

Bacon sandwiches on homemade bread? OH HELL YES!

Death Star Pumpkin

"Oh, I'm afraid this pumpkin will be quite operational when the trick-or-treaters arrive."

Picture Friday

Spooky Labs

Pat Leaves the House on a School Night with his Lady Friend

We had my in-laws staying with us last week. They seem to eat their body weight in toast and tea on a daily basis, but other than that, they're not too bad to have around.

Plus... Free babysitting!

We're fairly social people. We like to do stuff. But our access to the Outside World has been virtually shut off somewhat reduced since becoming parents. If we do get to leave the house these days, it's usually during daylight hours, when Little People are at their most cooperative. (Ever take an overtired toddler out in public after dark? Not recommended. They're like Gremlins.)

Last Thursday, I left work, picked up the Little Dude, brought him home to my in-laws and hustled downtown to meet up with Jen.

We went out to dinner and a show at The Rep.

Our table had a view of a relatively busy street downtown.

And there were people! Out! Doing stuff!

It simply hadn't occurred to me that all you other people still had your own lives and got to go out and do stuff (on a school night even!).

Honestly, I was shocked.

The only problem was the tiredness. Years of early morning wake-ups have conditioned my body to start shutting down at 10:00 PM. I was worried about falling asleep on the drive home. Seriously.

Or, You Know, You Could Always Just Go out and Buy the Book, You Cheap Bastard...

I looked up the call number for a book I was going to check out last Friday.

And I didn't get around to going over to the library until today.

And I didn't think to look if someone had checked it out in between last Friday and today.

Damn you, other library patrons!

Weird Gym Guy of the Week

In the bathroom at the gym:


*grunt*

*clear throat*

(walks over to urinal)

"Uh. Sore."

*grunt*

*grunt*

*clear throat*

"Good workout."

*grunt*

(leaves without flushing or washing his hands)

Jackie at the Liquor Store

I walk into your store and see you eyein' me
"Who's this kid think he is, tryin' me?"
It's like you don't even recognize me
Why you wanna treat me like that?

I come into your store on a regular basis
Your isles of booze are like an oasis.
But "He's underage!" is your hypothesis
Why you wanna treat me like that?

(guitar solo)

I ain't going to no frat party.
I ain't buying no Bacardi.
And yet, every time you have to card me.
Why you wanna treat me like that?

(fade out)

Rough Weekend

Rough weekend at the box office according to MSN.

I guess nobody goes to the movies anymore.

Dear New York Wine & Culinary Center,

First, I just want to to thank you for providing 2 of the Top 10 best meals I have ever eaten.

Second, I was hoping you could tell me how you cook your turkey burgers. I don't need the exact recipe or anything like that, I just want to know how you get it to cook through so nicely and not dry out. The menu describes it as being grilled, but is there more to it than that? Is it just grilled? Pan seared? Some combination of the two?

To say it was the best turkey burger I have ever had is an understatement. I didn't even know a turkey burger could be that good.

Keep up the good work.

Very truly yours,

Pat

Mr. Pants Gets His Strut On

Get Him!




(Get him? That was your whole plan, huh? Get him?)

Out of Gas

Who's all done with your wedding?

THIS GUY!

Combination Dunkin Donuts - Subway

I'm at the Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm at the Subway.

I'm at the combination Dunkin' Donuts - Subway.

15 Albums

This was a fun little Facebook exercise I thought I'd post here, too.

"Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you; not necessarily your favorites or an artist's best album. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes."



1. The White Stripes - "White Blood Cells"

2. Sugar - "Copper Blue"

3. R.E.M. - "Automatic for the People"

4. New Pornographers - "Electric Version"

5. Ted Leo - "Hearts of Oak"

6. Pavement - "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain"

7. Prince - "Purple Rain"

8. Led Zeppelin - "Physical Graffiti"

9. Beatles - "Abbey Road"

10. Nirvana - "Nevermind"

11. Fleetwood - "Rumors"

12. Pixies - "Doolittle"

13. Folk Implosion "One Part Lullaby"

14. Vince Guaraldi Trio - "A Charlie Brown Christmas"

15. The Lemonheads - "It's A Shame About Ray"

Pretty Princess




Does anyone else's dog cross their legs? Is this a lab thing?

Or is my dog just weird?

How'd the Fit do on the trip to New York?




Pretty good!

"Smart man, dis one. You eat like dat, you gonna live to be A HUNDRED!"

-- Mary-Louise, the old Italian lady bagging my groceries while holding up my lentils and kidney beans

Five Guys... One Little Dude...

Must get that from his mother...

Little Man: "I want to take off my clothes and run around naked."

/Takes off clothes.

//Runs over to front door and tries to open it.

Hipstamatic Toddler

Don't Look


"OH MY GOD!"

"What is it?!"

"It... It's huge!"

"What?"

"I knew it would be bad... But I didn't think it would be THAT bad."

"What are you talking about?"

"There... Look! It's the July electric bill."

"AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhh!"

"Don't make eye contact with it... Maybe it didn't see us."

In The Kitchen: Pasty Time



Good beef. Fresh local corn. Potatoes from the garden. Store bought crust.

Homemade Lobster Rolls? Homemade Lobster Rolls.

Daisy Dog Recovers from a Run

Running Hat Be Sweaty

Music in the Car


"Change that."

"What?"

"I don't want him listening to that. You said you cleaned this up."

"This is fine. The sooner he learns that fat bottomed girls do in fact make the world go 'round, the better off he'll be."

Little Man Enjoys a Freeze Pop

Cereal Power Rankings


5. Grape Nuts

4. Honey Bunches of Oats

3. Cheerios

2. Raisin Bran Crunch

1. Frosted Mini Wheats

Easy Pass For the Win

New Hampshire - I know we've had our differences in the past, but GREAT job on the 65 MPH Easy Pass lanes on 95. Tremendous.

Air Filter


"Are you the black Honda?"

"Yup, that's me."

"Here's your air filter.  It's pretty dirty."

"Wow.  Yeah, I guess so."

"You might even have a squirrel living your car.  You probably want to get this taken care of today."

"Uh, that's OK, I think I'll hold off."

"You sure?  You should really get this done sooner rather than later."

"I can do it myself.  Thanks.  I'll take care of it this weekend."

"OK... You don't want to get an acorn sucked into your engine."

"No... That would be bad."

"You care about your kid, right?"

"Uh... yeah, obviously."

"Well, an unclean air filter robs your car of precious gas mileage.  If you care about your kid, you'll get it fixed."

"That's a bit much, don't you think?"

"Hey, if you want to ruin your engine AND piss on future generations, go right ahead."

"OK, I think we're done."

"That'll be $37."

Me:  "Go slow, your dad is pooped."

Little Man (sympathetically):  "You have to poop, dad?"

Buffalo, Part 2

I ran my second half marathon in Buffalo last week.  I did pretty good.

I'm a much smarter runner than I was a year ago.  Mentally tougher.  I remember my mind spinning at registration last time.  Where do I go?  What are all these people doing here?  This time I felt like a seasoned pro.  It was more like a business trip.  Let's get my number and get back to the hotel room.  I've got some more hydrating to do.

 photo by J. Canole

The neti pot was invaluable all week.  I'm so glad I brought it.  I'm convinced I prevented a sinus infection from taking root in the week leading up to the race.

Race day - I lined up at 6:40 AM and it already felt warm.  It would be about 12 - 15 degrees hotter than last year by the time I finished.  There was a lot more hurling than last year.  People started dropping by miles 8 - 9.  One guy turned gray.  It was kinda gross.

The heat definitely slowed me down some.  I didn't dare skip a water station (How awesome would it be if I could get a team of volunteers to hand out water just for me on my long Sunday runs at home?  That would be great.)  I think I sweat more than I ever have in my life.

New this year at Buffalo was the pacer people.  Runners in orange shirts with times posted on the back in big numbers.  That was great.  If I could see the 2:05 guy, I was in good shape.  If I could see the 2:20 guy, I knew I needed to pick up the pace.

photo by J. Canole

I ended up doing a 2:17:21.  I didn't quite make my goal of 2:10 - 2:12.

BUT...

I still knocked 5 minutes off of last year's time. 

Plus I had a 3 minute train delay. I shit you not.

This was between miles 10 and 11.  Right as I'm trying to make my final push.  Last year I probably would have panicked a bit.  This year - meh.  Nothing I can do about it.  Just get a little rest and fly like the wind when the train finishes.

Part of my problem was that I ran too much earlier in the month.  I ended up going over 82 miles for the May (and I had never done 70 miles in month prior to that).  I didn't do a good job of sticking to my taper plan.  Now I know better.

I'm giving myself two weeks off after the race to recover (both mentally and physically).  I need it.

photo by J. Canole

Your honor student is way smarter than my lab.

Gas Check

I see a slight, twitchy young man in his 20s coming up the driveway.  I meet him at the door before he has a chance to ring the bell.

"Oh, hi.  I'm here to do a safety check on your gas line."

I look up and down the street.  Usually there's a National Grid van nearby for something like this.  He sees me hesitating and holds up his ID.

I check him out again and decide I definitely could take him in a fight.  I puff out my shoulders, try to look menacing and let him in.  "Yeah, come on in.  Gas connection is in the basement." 

Little Man stops chewing his waffle and gives me a nervous look.

"It's OK, Buddy.  I'll be right back."

The guy is holding some kind of gas testing device that looks exactly the thing Dr. Venkman used in Ms. Barrett's apartment.  I bring him down the basement and walk around the maze of boxes and old clothes.

"The gas comes in to the house there.  Can you get back there OK, or do you need me to move a few things?"

"No, I can reach it OK."

And after about 10 seconds, he was done.

We head back up stairs.  He's sees Daisy hopping up and down in the kitchen and comes out with "There sure are a lot of dogs in the neighborhood."

*** sound of needle scratching off record player ***

Wait, what?

I watch him leave the driveway and head to the next house.

And in about 12 seconds, I find the most recent gas bill and call the gas company.  After navigating the phone menu, I get a live person.

"Are you guys doing some kind of ... safety checks in my area?  There's a shifty looking kid knocking on everyone's door on my street."

"Yes, that's us."

"OK, you guys might want to do a little bit more customer relations training with your new employees.  When the kid mentions how many dogs there are in the neighborhood, it sounds like he's casing the place."

"I'll make a note of it."

One vs. Two


One

Have I been fed?

Have I had a nap?

Is my diaper dry?

All right!  I'm good.


Two

I want more ORRRRAAAANGE JUUUUUUICCCE.  Not THAT cup.  The OTHER one.  I don't WANT a LID.  I WANT a STRAAAAAW!  No, the BLUE STRAAAAAW!

NooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Ice Cream Guy

Daisy Considers a Mustache

Maybe That's Why They Still Card Me...

Six Year-Old at Birthday Party:  You look like Harry Potter!

Me:  Thanks, I think.

A Pretty Good End to the Day

Pat Makes Oatmeal

Sexy sexy oatmeal.