Little Man's first Christmas.

Little Man's first Christmas.

Little Man says hi.

Little Man says hi.

December New England Photo Essay, Part 2

December New England Photo Essay, Part 1

I Am the Prince of New England...

Hello Friend,

I am the Prince of New England. My family is in possession of over $23 million US Dollars worth of lobsters.

Because of the current political climate in this region of the country, I cannot sneak these lobsters out without fear of being captured and sent to Guantanamo Bay.

What can be done? My family has asked that I reach out to a trusting soul such as yourself who can help us in our time of need. If you can provide me your bank account number (and fax number to send the lobsters to), I can send you additional information.

There is no risk to you. All I ask in return is a small 10% finders fee for facilitating this transaction. And a lobster roll.

If you hesitate to act, these lobsters will be left to rot on the docks.

Yours in Seafood,

Patty O'Tool

Doggie Guilt

I feel like I've turned a corner in my dog ownership life. I paid somebody to wash my dog this weekend.

On one hand, I feel terribly guilty. It's like I'm passing off the responsibility for taking care of my dog.

On the other hand, I really like not having a smelly dog.

It's a two person job to wash Daisy. And with a seven-week-old baby at home, there's really no way to find 45 minutes of free time for both of us. Then there's the matter of cleaning all the dog hair out of the tub after.

At this point in my life, in the "time vs. money" battle, time is kicking money's ass. My time is worth a lot more to me these days.

But I promise I'll never pay someone else to walk my dog...

Groceries

Ever been to a Wegmans? They have them all over the mid-Atlantic states and New York.

It's like Whole Foods, but with better selection and lower prices. And a little restaurant type thing off to the side.


Dear Wegmans,

Please come to Rhode Island. We visit my wife's family in Western New York 2 or 3 times a year and we make it a point to visit a Wegmans every time we're out there. I would love to have your mix of quality meats and produce at reasonable prices nearby.

Sincerely,

Pat


Here's the response. It doesn't sound like they're coming to RI anytime soon:


We received your e-mail asking that we build a Wegmans store near your community. Thank you! We take that as a compliment and will share your request with our long range planning committee.

You may be surprised to learn that we open just two or three new stores a year. That gives us plenty of time to invest in training our people.

What follows is a list of planned stores, which for the most part, do not as yet have defined construction schedules.

Confirmed Opening Dates:
Harrisburg, PA, September 2007
Woodbridge, VA, 2nd Quarter 2008

Opening Dates Yet to Be Determined:
Malvern, PA
Leesburg, VA
Lake Manassas, VA
Frederick, MD
Crofton, MD
Landover, MD
Columbia, MD
Fredericksburg, VA
Collegeville, PA

Project On Hold for Future Consideration:
Turnersville, NJ

Thank you, again, for taking the time to share your request.


Wegmans Consumer Affairs

Constructive Criticism

Dear Microsoft,

I've been working with Vista for a couple months now, and I can safely say that it pretty much sucks donkey balls.

Just thought you should know.

Sincerely,

Pat

Parenthood: Week 6

I think we're adjusting to parenthood pretty well so far. It's exhausting. I can't stress that enough. I really miss my 8 hours of sleep a night. And it's not like having a dog... With the dog, I can run her around and wear her out then know that she'll need to sleep for a few hours. You really never get a mental break like that with a baby. You almost always need to be "on". But man... When the Little Guy is fed and changed and happy, there's just something so peaceful about him. You could watch him for hours.

Little Man still isn't on any kind of regular schedule. He eats when he's hungry. He sleeps when he's sleepy. Everyday is a surprise... (which can also be exhausting.)

Also... He loves baths.

We had a busy Thanksgiving. Little Man did well. We did the full tour of Massachusetts relatives over the weekend. He didn't seem to mind who was holding him. Everybody dug him. And he's good with riding in the car.

Daisy is adjusting. I'm not able to give her quite as much attention as I used to, but we're still getting our walks in. Whenever she gets near Little Man, she tries to lick his head. But she hasn't shown any signs of fear or aggression around him, so that's good.

I wish I could spend my whole day with him. It's funny... after Little Man was born, I started doing the math in my head and trying to figure out how long we could live off my 401(k) if I quit work.

Then I realized... oh yeah... we wouldn't have health insurance.

(If we picked up and moved to Canada, would anyone come with us?)

It's Rhode Island. Everyone votes twice.

Little Man voted for "more feedings" and "fewer diaper changes".

The Adventures of Pat Canole, Amateur Electrician

Much to my surprise, I've suddenly found myself quite handy around the house.

Under the close supervision and guidance of my father-in-law, we've greatly improved the electrical situation on the second floor this week.

We've run a new circuit upstairs. We've added two new outlets. We've fixed two switches that weren't working right. And we've replaced or upgraded a few more outlets.

I was a little hesitant at first. I had no prior experience with electrical work. But after taking things apart and realizing how bad the existing situation was, I felt like we could hardly make things worse. The whole upstairs was running off of one circuit. None of the outlets were grounded. The plugs were about 12 feet apart. The light switch also turned off the TV. Other wiring was just plain backwards.

It's definitely stuff that needed to be done. It'll be nice to clean up my chains of surge protectors.

And my computer outlet is actually grounded now. Hurray!

Little Fatty Pants

We just had another weigh in for Little Man yesterday. He gained 17 ounces in 12 days.

That's over 15% of his body weight.

That's the equivalent of me gaining 28 pounds in two weeks.

Whoa.

Kids these days...

I had to wait until I was 29 to see the Red Sox win the World Series.

Little Man only had to wait two weeks.

Yes, we still have a dog.

Yes, we still have a dog.

Unedited Thoughts from the First Ten Days of Fatherhood

(Or, The Ravings of a Sleep Deprived Maniac...)

We're ten days into parenthood. I've been off from work to help out around the house. Just wanted to write down a few thoughts here.

Jen was amazing. Little Man came out 54 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. There was no time for drugs. Jen's regular doctor didn't even make it in until things were all done. It all happened so fast, I didn't even have time to be nervous.

After delivering without drugs, Jen got up from her bed and killed a bear with her hands and dragged it back to the cave so we could all have dinner...

I can't say enough good things about Women & Infants' Hospital. Everyone there was great.

The first night home from the hospital, you have the "Holy crap, there's no longer a team of doctors and nurses down the hall" realization. That was a little scary.

It's tough, but each day gets a little easier. You figure things out. Find shortcuts. There's really no way to fully prepare yourself until you actually do it. We're on a three hour cycle for the most part. One hour awake, two hours sleeping. Get him up, feed him, change him, walk around with him for a few minutes. Then he sleeps for two hours and you start again. All day and all night...

The most important resources in a new parent's universe are sleep, free time and coffee.

It's exhausting and amazing all at once. They're just aren't enough words to describe all the emotions you feel in a day...

New England


Sometimes, it's pretty nice living here.

New Arrival


That's one handsome guy!

At the Car Wash

I had a near death experience a few weeks back. It was 10:00 AM on a Saturday morning. I was inside a gas station when a car hit the building.

If I had walked out the door 30 seconds earlier, I would have been crushed.


This gas station has a car wash behind it. It's one of those ones where you put the car in neutral and the car wash pulls you through.

An old guy coming out of the car wash must have jammed it into gear with his foot on the gas instead of the break. He came flying up the side and scraped the side of the building. Even though he didn't hit it directly, it was still surprisingly loud. He came to a stop with his car pointing down the hill.


I was somewhat shaken up.

I gave Jen a big hug when I got home.

Yard Work Blues

Peein' with my left hand...
... cause my right hands gots poison ivy.


Peein' with my left hand...
... cause my right hands gots poison ivy.


Don't wants no poison ivy on my penis.
Lawd... that would make me cry.

Bat Dog



"Winged Freak Terrorizes City"? Wait'll they get a load of ME!

TV Time

My dad just bought a Sony high definition television. It's freakin' gorgeous. I got to play with it one Saturday afternoon recently.

He didn't realize he wasn't getting the full HD experience before I got there. The HD channels all start at 800 on his cable system. Nobody told him he had to go up that high. He thought the upgrade to digital cable was the improvement.

When I showed him the actual HD channels, his jaw hit the floor.

It's pretty sweet. I could have watched HD sharks all afternoon.

Obviously, the nature stuff and sports looked amazing. But you know what else was surprisingly good in HD? Cooking shows. Wow. My mouth was watering.

It was a little frustrating that there weren't more HD channels. It's tough to go back to "regular TV" after watching HD. We found ourselves watching something we weren't really that interested in just because it was HD.

I can't wait until we get one.

Cow Snot


Pretty much my crowning achievement as a photographer.

Tired Pig


This guy was exhausted.

Llama Parking


Always remember where you parked your llama.

Taco in a Bag



Pretty self explanatory, actually.

Wooden Indian


No funny caption. I just liked the picture.

Chicken Wash


The Erie Country Fair had a seminar on washing your chicken. Seriously.

I think you dipped your chicken in detergent, vinegar, fabric softener, then water. Towel drying was optional. Some of them prefer blow drying.

There's a whole other world going on out there that I know nothing about...

Signs


Huh huh... Log donations.

Meat Bird


The sign pretty much says it all.

Me and my llama...


No word on if he had been to the dentist that day.

Can I take the table costume off now?

Lowe's employees: if you can find one, they're somewhat helpful.

Daisy Report


It's been over three weeks since we put Daisy Dog on her kangaroo and oatmeal diet. As you can see on her bandanna, she still can't have any treats.

Her tummy is doing better. No signs of the rash so far. We'll see how the next three weeks go.

Her vet has me keeping track of her symptoms and food intake on a worksheet. One of the columns is called "Feces". I have to rate her poops on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being "firm feces with a cylindrical shape").

The jokes never end.

Morning Walk


If I catch one of those geese, can I eat it?

Nope, sorry. Goose isn't on your diet.

Viva la Revolucion!

How's the tobacco crop this year, Fidel?

Good. Very good. As high as my hand. Our people should be proud.

Try the Dark Meat... It's Extra Moist...

After visiting the doggy dermatologist this week, Daisy has to go on a kangaroo and oatmeal diet.

I wish I was making this up.

We're trying to combat her recurring itchy belly rash, hence the diet changes. We're treating it like an allergy for now. This is how dogs have allergic reactions.

There are no other animals in the house. We have hardwood floors. We change her bedding on a regular basis. We keep everything pretty clean. So diet is the next thing to try changing.

She's had 3 or 4 courses of antibiotics to clear her rash up in the last year and it keeps coming back six weeks later.

Also - no people food for Daisy Dog. No treats. Nothing.

She's really going to miss peanut butter and rawhide.

Garden Report


We made beans!

Running Report

I've been out running four out of the last six days now. Not super long distances or anything, but hard enough to feel it.

My legs are sore (obviously). My feet feel a little tight from breaking in new shoes.

But my knees... My knees feel great. After years of bitching about my knees and thinking it was just a part of "getting older", I'm feeling much better.

The difference? I've been taking fish oil supplements for the last three months.

I'm not usually a big supplement or alternative medicine guy. But man... This really seems to work. My knees haven't felt this good in years (and it's funny how much easier it is to focus on your mechanics when you're not in pain).

I'm sharing this information in the hopes that it might help someone else. You don't hear that much about fish oil because it's cheap. There's no money to be made off it.

Obviously, talk to your doctor if you're having problems. I talked to my doctor about my fish oil intake and he seemed cool with it.

While everyone else thought Bill looked kinda scary in his gas mask, Daisy described his appearance as "greatly improved".

Camping Story - Footwear



"Did you guys go for a walk?"

"Yup. My shoes got all wet."

"Is that what you're going to wear for the rest of the day?"

"I don't have much else left."

"Honey, you can't wear socks and sandals."

"I'm married. I can wear anything I want."

Welcome to the Canole kitchen...

Now going on 1 day(s) without an accident.

Camping Photos

We went camping in Allegany State Park for a week around Memorial Day. It was the first time we brought Daisy Dog on vacation.

Rather than post them all at once, I'm going to start posting highlights from our camping trip a few at a time.

Here's the view from the porch of the cabin. Nice.

Dog Wash

Because there's nothing more fun on a hot day than running through the sprinkler with your dog.

S'moreos

(As made famous by Pat Canole)

Take one Oreo cookie. Twist open. Remove creme filling. Put wafers aside.

Toast marshmallow.

Place toasted marshmallow between Oreo cookie wafers. Squeeze to side off stick.

Enjoy.

I'm in your fields... Eating your sticks...

Did you know?

Although it would appear to be scientifically impossible, I seem to be able to contract poison ivy just by looking at it.

The Many Moods of Daisy...

Passive:


Sitting up:


Out of frame:

Dear Old Guy from the Golf Course Peeing on the Side of the Tree,

Maybe you'd be better off peeing on the other side of the tree near the golf course. Sure, your golf buddies might goof on you. But they probably won't call the cops on you. You're about 100 feet away from an elementary school on this side of the tree.

Just letting you know.

Sincerely,

Pat

Lawn Ornaments

When little plastic flamingos aren't enough to piss off the neighbors, go with the inflatable six foot version.



This was in a pretty nice part of town, too.

Please Pardon Our Appearance...

For those of you who haven't been back to Providence in a while, here's a few pictures of some of the recent construction:





I have no idea who's going to buy all these condos.