20 pounds

I lost 20 pounds over two years.  After being 185 most of my adult life, I'm now at 165 (actually, a little under...).  I feel better.  I feel stronger.  I feel faster.  My knees don't hurt like they used to.

Here's what worked for me:

1) Eat better.

2) Run.

3) Lift weights.

The biggest hurdle for me was getting over the "I can't lose weight", "My body just wants to be this size", "I'm on the wrong side of 30" kind of negative thinking.  Just put all that behind you.

Don't try to lose 20 pounds in a month.  It's probably not healthy or sustainable.

Weigh yourself once a week.  Write it down.

Eat like a grownup.  Get used to smaller portions.  Lay off the sugar.  Lay off the soda.  Get enough protein.  Eat fruits and vegetables.  Eat nuts.  Eat oatmeal.  Don't eat too much after dinner (unless you're working out late).  And... Lay off the sugar.  Seriously.

I give myself a cheat day once a week where I don't necessarily go crazy, but I'm a little less restrictive.

Run - Resist the urge to let yourself eat whatever you want because you're running.  I had a hard time with that.

Lift - Muscle burns calories just being there.  Plus it looks badass.  A.B.S. - Always be squatting.  You've got lots of big muscles in your legs.  Use them.

The biggest drawback is that all my pants are too big now.  I can't really leave the house without wearing a belt.

I'm not done yet.  I've still got some tighting up to do.  But I felt like the 20 pounds milestone was worth mentioning.

Go home, Fence. You're drunk.

At The Gym...

(Two guys in their 40s.  Shouting to each other from 8 feet apart.)


GUY 1: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs?

GUY 2: HUH?

GUY 1: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs?

GUY 2: YEAH, I'M GONNA WORK ON TRIs.

GUY 1: I'M GONNA WORK ON TRIs NOW.

GUY 2: YOU GONNA WORK ON TRIs NOW?

GUY 1: YEAH.

GUY 2: OK.


The lesson here - make sure everyone in the room knows what you're working on at all times.

Closing Ceremonies

Whatever Fatboy Slim was on last Sunday night must have been AWESOME.

He looked like he was having the best time of anyone there.

Junior Food Critic

Kid #1: I don't want to eat what you're making for dinner. It smells dreadful.

Me: Well, I'm disappointed in your eating choices but I'm impressed with your vocabulary.

Mortgage Blues

Payin' that mortgage on time...
Oh yes, I'm payin' that mortgage on time...
Gonna make that payment electronically.
'Cause I'm payin' that mortgage on time.

Bee Sting

Got stung on the big toe. May have let out an M-F bomb in front of the boys. Father of the Year application currently under review...

Loan Request

"So I understand you're looking for a loan?"

"Yes."

"For your... Video game company?  Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"OK then... Have you ever run a company before?"

"No."

"Have ever worked in the video game industry?"

"Ah... no."

"Well... How about a related technology field?"

"Also no."

"So... What relevant skills are you bringing to the table here?"

"None, really."

"And what was your previous job?"

"I used to throw a baseball for a living."

"OK.  I'm convinced.  Here's $100 million."

What's that smell?

Due to years of allergies and sinus infections, my sense of smell comes and goes.  The last few years or so it has mostly been gone.

HOWEVER... it has come back in a big way the last week or so.

...And everything smells horrible to me.

Right now, my brain is overwhelmed.  It's like I've forgotten how to filter out these things.

Late spring moisture and early summer heat is combining to make everything kinda earthy - funky.

"Oh Gawd... The dog smells AW-FUL."

"What the hell is that?  Is that the compost pile?  Yikes."

(Also, my poor wife is probably getting sick of me listing the things I can smell.)

Tonight I will attempt to dull my overloaded senses with a good strong beverage.

Married Life

"So I looked up the Todd character from "Boogie Nights".  I was wondering why everyone else went on to have big careers but not him.  It turns out it was Thomas Jane."

"I don't know who Todd is."

"You know the firecracker scene toward the end of the movie where they're about to rip the guy off?"

"No."

"With the Chinese kid throwing firecrackers as the tension builds?  As "Sister Christian" plays?  It's kind of an iconic scene."

"I haven't seen that movie as many times as you have."

"We watched it last night."

"Oh.  I must have been asleep."