Pat's song of the week:

...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - "Worlds Apart"

Go get it now!

New fishes.

We added a few new fish over the weekend (2 pearl gouramis). Their description reads:

Social: Peaceful, suitable for community tank
Care: Easy

Sounds PERFECT for our tank.

I wish they’d stay still long enough for a picture. They’re quite beautiful.

Current tank count: 4 swordtails, 2 gouramis, 2 catfish.

Whack-A-Mole

I’ve been to a dermatologist twice in my life now (the most recent visit being last Thursday). Both times, I went in thinking I was just going to have something “looked at”. And both times, the guy was coming at me with a knife and a needle before I knew what was happening.

Dermatologists are men (and women) of action. No “just looking” for them.

Consider yourself warned.

Pat's song of the week:

The Go! Team - "Ladyflash"

Go get it now!

"Good morning, Pat."

"Good morning, Mr. Shovel! You ready to do some work today?"

"Not really... Just put me away for the rest of the winter... I'm exhausted."

"But I need you today. And there might be more snow this weekend."

"Oh man... This is too much. I can't take any more winter. Can you just ship me to Florida? I've got to find a new line of work."

"Hmmm... I don't think there's much demand for snow shovels in Florida. How 'bout we just get through the next few weeks and you can spend the whole summer just hanging in the shed?"

"All right. But if April 1st comes around and it's still snowing, I'm buying a one way bus ticket to someplace south."

"Yeah. You and me both."

So that Driscoll bitch is finally outta here. Her daughter was so annoying. I was going to pop her myself if she didn't shut up. She was all like "Boo hooo! Mommy! Pay attention to me." Puh-lease. We're working on issues of national security here!

I thought maybe I'd be in line to take over now that Driscoll's gone, but they made Tony the interim director of CTU. What's up with that? Who the hell does he think he is?

It's two thousand and... whatever year it is. A black man can be President of the United States, but a black man can't run CTU? Damn. I don't know who this Secretary Heller guy thinks he is. But I'm going to give him a piece of my mind next time I see him in the men's room.

And I haven't gotten to torture anyone in like 2 hours. WTF?

Jack seems pretty cool though. I don't mind working with him.

I'll post more later if I get a chance. Looks like I'll be working late tonight.

-- Curtis

State of the Pat Address

The Filenes registry did not make the final cut. If you've somehow seen that one, don't use it.

Angry divorced guy is back. He's our neighbor that never makes eye contact with you. In the last 8 weeks, he's been home all of 3 days. No idea where he's been. I'm hoping he's back for good, because I'd hate to have to go all summer without overhearing phone conversations like "I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE HOUSE!"

I've got a sports talk radio habit that I picked up somewhere along the way. It's been 2 - 3 hours a day. Nasty. I'm waiting for some kind of gum or patch to help me quit.

Don't be offended if you don't hear from me much over the next few months. It's going to be like the baseball playoffs. Only worse. Ten times worse.

A Bar Mitzvah? Mazel Tov!

I went to my first Bar Mitzvah a few weeks back. I rather enjoyed the experience.

The ceremony itself was fairly similar to the Catholic ceremonies from my upbringing. You sit. You stand. There’s a “call and response” section. (But no kneeling... Amen.) All you have to do is substitute “Israel” for “Jesus” once in a while and you can almost use the same text.

The ceremony was more family oriented than I remember a confirmation being. Mother, father, sister and cousins were all involved at various points in the ceremony. I don’t know if that’s true of Bar Mitzvahs in general or if that’s just the way this particular temple does things.

There was some type of ark at the front of the temple. I told Jen to keep her eyes closed in case they opened it.

I also never realized how much Hebrew sounds like Klingon. Simply take out the singing and grunt a little more.

After the ceremony, we moved to the Squantum Club in East Providence. This part was more like a typical thirteen year old’s birthday party. A DJ blasted music from the corner. Two professional dancing girls lead the kids through the Electric Slide and the other standard dances. There were presents and cake.

I wore my brand new brown velvet jacket (which, of course, I didn’t pay full price for). However, I went home disappointed when nobody commented on it all day. I was hoping for a “What is that? Velvet?”

Pat's Guidelines for Picking the Oscars.

Print this out and save it for next year. You'll be glad you did.

(Usually, you can stop when you hit the first item, but some years you'll want to scan the whole list and figure out which nominee picks up the most points from these lists.)

Major categories first.

Acting awards:

1) Always look for the person who is playing a retard, the person who changed their appearance the most, or the pretty person playing an ugly character.

2) Pick the actor playing an actual person (especially if they had to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles).

3) Pick the well liked industry veteran who has been nominated before but hasn't won an Oscar yet.

4) Pick the actor playing a title character.

5) In the supporting catagories, pick the person in the Clint Eastwood movie.

6) Never pick someone in a comedy for a lead role.

Best Picture:

1) Pick whichever one made the most money.

2) Never pick a comedy.

3) Action movies can only win editing and sound awards.

Director:

1) Never pick Scorsese.

Animated film:

1) Pick the Pixar film.

Costumes and Makeup:

1) Pick the film set furthest in the past.

In the documentary and short subject categories, pick them in this order:

1) the movie about the Holocaust

2) the movie about retarded people

3) the movie about kids

(If there's ever a movie about retarded Jewish kids escaping Nazi Germany, bet the house on that one).

Animal Shelter Update

Saturday was a good day with the doggies at the animal shelter.

The first dog I walked was Ralph. He's a year old lab mix. He's got tons of energy and personality. I don't expect Ralph to be there next week, as there's already a five family waiting list of people who want to take him home. They were lining up at the door to adopt him. I've never seen anything like that.

I spent a few minutes with Cookie. She's a pit bull mix. She doesn't do too well with other dogs, but she'll let you walk her.

Finally, I spent some extra time with Kennedy. She's a female Rottweiler that needed a little grooming (and still needs a lot of exercise - whoa - she's got to be close to 105 pounds...).