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A text message discussion of the '24' season premere.

All messages take place in real time.


opening scene

P: PRESIDENT PALMER HAS BEEN SHOT!

M: It's a great loss for the nation.

P: He was letting himself go. He looked about 20lbs heavier.

M: Probably why he couldn't dodge the bullet.


Mrs. Logan - crazy first lady who seems to be off her medication

P: Never marry a crazy woman.

M: That's all behind me. And Mrs. Logan is taken.

P: President Logan looks like Nixon.

M: True. I don't trust him.


inexplicable "Previously on '24'" right between the 1st and 2nd episode

P: ...In case you forgot the last hour.


while Jack tries to infiltrate a crime scene

P: "Relax... He's really good at this."

M: I like his BluBlockers.

P: Awesome.


Jack and Wayne Palmer share a cry over President Palmer's death

P: There's a lot of man tears in this episode.

M: Strong men also cry, sir.


while Chloe busts out of the "tightly secured" garage

M: Ford Aerostar. The getaway minivan of choice.

P: '94 was their best year.


as the credits role

P: Not a bad episode. I give it a "B".

M: I concur. Same time tomorrow?

P: Absolutely. G'night.

M: G'night.

Alan Shawn Feinstein had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his house and told me his secret.

"I am not Alan Shawn Feinstein," he said. "My name is Ryan; I inherited this foundation from the previous Alan Shawn Feinstein, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Alan Shawn Feinstein either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Alan Shawn Feinstein has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia."

Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear...

Mixing it up.

For years, I've wanted to get a dog as soon as we buy a house. I've always assumed I was going to get a labrador retriever (either black or yellow).

After looking at a lot of houses lately, I'm realizing that we might need to get a smaller house. In anticipation of that, I've been scouting out smaller breeds (or mixes).

So far, I like buggs and peagles.

The Naked Truth

This kind of investigative journalism represents everything that is right about America.

To: K. Martin

From: D. Cheney

RE: Update of Seven Dirty Words

Kevin - how's it going? Listen, it's time to update the old "seven dirty words" list. The following words and phrases should not be allowed on the air under any circumstances: "NARAL", "Schiavo", "WMD", "torture", "Abu Ghraib", "Abramoff" and "Katrina".

Also, rather than try to ban them, phrases such as "universal health care" and "trade deficit" will simply be removed from the English language entirely.

Some other words, such as "black people", are OK in certain context. The sentence "Condoleeza Rice is a shining example to black people" is OK. The sentence "George Bush hates black people" is not OK.

Let me know if you have any questions.

- DC

P.S. You've been signed up to bring napkins and paper cups to the next Crawford BBQ.

Four bananas in two days is too many bananas. :(

Signs you might have a problem...


- Do you visit the iTunes Music Store more than twice a week?

- Do your saliva glands start up when the "New Music Tuesday" email arrives?

- Are you selling all your old CDs and telling yourself you can use the money to buy more stuff from iTunes.com?


If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may have a problem.

If you answered "yes" to more than one of these questions, seek immediate medical assistance. There is hope.

The pitch:

How 'bout a gay astronaut movie?

"Brokeback Space Mountain"

Think about it...

Pat's Pics: Fun with the Camera Phone

Is there anything more Rhode Island than Party Thaaang? I don't think so.

The soap scum stain on my shower mirror is in the exact shape of Bermuda.

Ooooh! Artsy traffic lights!

Moral dilemma

So I forgot to bring my shower sandals to the gym the other day. I hate when that happens.

I had already finished my workout before I realized this. What to do now? Do I skip the shower and know that my feet with be healthy (but risk offending my co-workers for the rest of the afternoon)? Or do I take a chance with the unknowable horrors of the locker room shower floor in bare feet?

I opted for the shower. I knew I'd be spending the rest of the day working closely with my team and didn't want to be too offensive so early into the new job. And then I sprayed about three layers of Tinactin on my feet.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go boil another layer of skin off my toes...

Anger Issues

There was a Japanese guy that I used to work with at my last job. Really smart guy. But he had a wicked temper. And when he would get mad, he would start losing his English. So he would start to sound something like "(mumble mumble)..." then just end his sentence with "...PISS ME OFF!"

I was in danger of turning into that guy last night at the realtor's office.

Live from Kitchen Stadium at the Canole Residence...

This weekend, an epic cooking battle took place in the Canole kitchen. Iron Chef Jen made tacos (Saturday night) and crepes (Sunday morning). Iron Chef Pat countered with teriyaki chicken wings (Saturday night) and lamb stew (Sunday afternoon).

While neither competitor has any formal cooking training, both have been making meals at the adult, post-college level for several years now.

Let's hear what's going through their minds as they work.

Iron Chef Pat: I was a little nervous about working with lamb. I've never cooked lamb before. But, I think it's going to turn out OK.

Iron Chef Jen: Are you putting onions in everything?! You're going to stink up the whole house. You're sleeping on the couch tonight.

(Truly masters in their fields.)

And the winner is... Iron Chef Jen. The crepes put her over the top in the judges minds. They were just too good.

So there you have it. More reports as legendary battles of these culinary artists unfold. That's all for now.

survey topic of the day...

How did you do in your office AVN Awards pool?

Ethnic neighbors being weird again.

But it's SO GOOD FOR YOU!

Almond butter = messy.

It's more like almond soup.

Pat's Picks:

I like Tampa Bay over Washington and New England over Jacksonville in the Saturday games.

For Sunday, I'll take Carolina over New York and Pittsburgh over Cincinnati.

So... Home teams on Saturday, away teams on Sunday.

Christmas sweaters!

Yay!

Every time there's a big winter storm here, the local news shows everybody rushing out to Home Depot and Wal-Mart to buy snow shovels.

Who are these people that live here and don't own snow shovels by now? Do they throw out their snow shovels at the end of every winter? Did they just move here and not realize it snows?

Get it together, people.