These new knives rule!

Next week on '24' - Jack waterskis over a pool of sharks!

Pat's song of the week:

Fiona Apple - "A Better Version Of Me"

Looks like I'll be bringing in my coffee from home for a while...

Are you like me? Does your skin crawl after hearing the words "drinking water" and "fecal contamination" in the same sentence?

The town where I work has a "boil your water" warning going on right now. It could last into next week.

I'm going through bottled water and hand santizer by the gallon.

Am I better off washing my hands or not washing my hands after going to bathroom?

I hate having to ask myself questions like that.

Anybody have any questions for Mr. Kraft or Mr. Belichick? 'Cause I'll be hanging out at The Razor with them on Saturday.

"Bill? Yeah, this is Pat. Yeah, I'm the clubhouse, just finishing up my lunch. Listen, I know you like the linebacker from Georgia here, but I'm thinking you want to take another cornerback..."

The wedding showers are finally done. We got a lot of nice stuff, but we're going to need a bigger apartment to put it all in...

The detox diet was a complete success. Thank you for your support.

Dear Recovery Day,

Baby, you're sooo good for me. I miss you when we're apart. Our time apart makes me appreciate you that much more. I wish we could spend even more time together.

I can't wait to see you again... Damn.

Love,

Pat's Legs

29 years, 11 months.

Barring some kind of kidnapping and forced entry into the competitive eating circuit over the next four weeks, I will safely be able to say that I am in better shape at 30 than I was at 20.

Unfortunately, this says more about what lousy shape I was in 10 years ago than what great shape I'm in now.

Pat's Detox Diet.

After three days on the road, my intestines were none too pleased with me (I think it was the McGreaseWich with hashbrowns that did me in). I also overdosed on caffeine.

Here's the plan to get back to "normal":

Day 1

(simple proteins, fiber, and lots of fluids)

water
cranberry juice
green tea
oatmeal
peanut butter
turkey
broccoli
almonds
multi-vitamin
aspirin
metamucil

Day 2

(more protein, more carbs, and lots of fluids)

water
cranberry juice
green tea
coffee (maybe)
fruit
yogurt
granola
salad
chicken
almonds
multi-vitamin
aspirin
metamucil

Wish me luck.

Is there something going on with the Pope right now? I can't seem to find any information...

coffee coffee COFFEE!

If you only knew the power of the dark roast...

I've been resisting the urge to make my own coffee at home up to this point. "If I don't have easy access to it, I won't drink as much," was my my thinking on the issue.

Oh sure... I've experimented a little here and there. But it was nothing serious. I could stop any time I wanted.

And besides, if I was getting my coffee on the outside, it felt like it was still just a social thing.

But know we've got a kick-ass coffee maker. And a bean grinder. (This "wedding registry" thing is the best scam going, by the way...)

Sure I'm saving money. But there's really going to be no stopping me now. This "habit" is going to become a full blown addiction before I know it.

I've given in to the dark side.

Oh well.

April Showers.

One down. Two to go.

It's a marathon, not a sprint...

There is no "song of the week" this week. No song accurately summed up this week for me.