April is the Cruelest Month
(or "The Tao of Poo")

By Pat Canole's Colon

It's been a pretty rough month down here in Pat’s Colon. We've gone from one extreme to the other. Let me give you a little background...

Right around the end of March, Pat started getting really sick (fever, congestion, nasty cough). No big deal, right? I mean, almost all the other departments end up working overtime, but not too bad for my team. Some extra fluids to work with... a little less food... No problems.

Well, things started getting ugly around week two. That's when he started taking cough syrup with codeine after a trip to the walk-in clinic. That codeine was a little TOO much fun. Nobody felt like doing any work... Everybody was content to sit around and enjoy the buzz (and one of the unfortunate side effects of codeine is that it constipates you... who knew?). And then, as he starts to feel a little bit better and get some quality sleep, Pat starts getting his appetite back. Inventory levels get out of control. Complete chaos... an absolute nightmare for me.

Making things worse was the fact that, because Pat was so sick, there was virtually no exercise all month. Simple gravity and "bouncing around" makes my job much easier.

Well, week three of the mystery ailment and he's off the codeine cough syrup and onto some over-the-counter stuff (and I have to admit, I was impressed that he was able to quit the codeine cold turkey). Unfortunately, that new cough syrup seemed to have the absolute opposite effect of the codeine. After a week of not being able to push anything through, things were going through too fast. I had no idea was available for processing in the product pipeline. And it’s my job to know this information.

Finally, week four comes around and we’ve got a new prescription from the allergist to help dry things out. Well, it certainly did dry things out... a little too much. Once again, production ground to a halt. Other pleasant side effects of the new medicine included dry mouth, insomnia and increased heart rate. Needless to say, Pat didn’t stay on that for too long.

Now, things are finally starting to get back to normal. There's regular exercise, lots of fruits and nuts passing through, and Metamucil comes by to help out on a regular basis (oh man... I tell you... THAT guy is one heck of a worker).

Things look good for the next couple weeks. The only potential problem on the schedule is the Krispy Kreme opening in mid-May. THAT could be trouble...

(Pat Canole’s Colon is a certified process management consultant. His latest book, "Change Management in the Modern Organization," is available at bookstores
now.)