NPR Announces Shift to "All Fund-raising" Format

National Public Radio (NPR) has announced plans to replace all original programming with fund-raising messages.

Instead of international news, culture, human interest stories and left-leaning talk, member stations will now broadcast pleas for money all the time.

"National Public Radio has always depended on listeners for the majority of our budget," said Vivian Schiller, President of NPR. "While we used to limit pledge drives to three or four months out of the year, we have found that our listening audience actually responds to a constant barrage of messages about the importance of their support. Time and time again, they call in when we tell them about tote bags and umbrellas that they can have for a $75 donation. Or a Springsteen CD that they can have for pledging $120 (which is only $10 a month for a year). So we figured, what the hell? Give them what they want. Besides, do you know how much it costs to send someone to Afghanistan?"

"Morning Edition" will be replaced by "Steve Inskeep and Renee Montagne Ask You for Money". The "All Things Considered" slot will be taken by "Holy Crap, We're Asking You For Money Again".

The only interruptions to the constant requests for money will be for the occasional announcement of the underwriters who make it possible to bring you this fine programming.