Sunday

I wait until there's no one else around. I casually make my way to the meat counter. There's an elderly lady around the corner inspecting cat food, but I'm not too concerned about her.

I've never done this before, but I'm pretty sure this place doesn't just sell lunch meats. The guy behind the counter makes eye contact with me and nods to let me know I'm next.

"So, uh, could I put $100 on your weekly special?"

"You want $100 worth of Black Forest Ham? Really?"

"No, uh... You know... Your, um, SPECIAL of the week?" I say "special" slowly and clearly, thinking maybe he'll catch my meaning this time.

"Well, I don't know know if I even have $100 worth of ham. I'll have to go out back and check. Are you having a party or something this weekend?"

"No, I mean, your special game of the week." I worry I'm blowing it. Either he thinks I'm a cop, or they really don't take bets here.

"What?! This is a deli, son. We've only got meats and potato salad here."

"You sure you don't take bets? I wanted to put a little action on the Sunday night game."

"Nope. Sorry."

"Then how do you guys manage to stay open? There's never anyone here. I thought for sure you must be taking bets."

"Get outta my store."

"Are you selling fireworks or something?"

"Out, NOW!"