Q: What's for dinner?

A: Pork pies!

Piglets in Blankets!

Piglets on Ice!

Alchemy

We got a bunch of different coffee types for Christmas, so I've been experimenting with mixing things up a bit.

For anyone else looking to mix things up at home, the proper ratio of Green Mountain to Starbucks is 3 to 1. You want the nice flavor of the Green Mountain, with the extra kick of the Starbucks. Any more Starbucks and it takes over the whole pot.

Sunday

I wait until there's no one else around. I casually make my way to the meat counter. There's an elderly lady around the corner inspecting cat food, but I'm not too concerned about her.

I've never done this before, but I'm pretty sure this place doesn't just sell lunch meats. The guy behind the counter makes eye contact with me and nods to let me know I'm next.

"So, uh, could I put $100 on your weekly special?"

"You want $100 worth of Black Forest Ham? Really?"

"No, uh... You know... Your, um, SPECIAL of the week?" I say "special" slowly and clearly, thinking maybe he'll catch my meaning this time.

"Well, I don't know know if I even have $100 worth of ham. I'll have to go out back and check. Are you having a party or something this weekend?"

"No, I mean, your special game of the week." I worry I'm blowing it. Either he thinks I'm a cop, or they really don't take bets here.

"What?! This is a deli, son. We've only got meats and potato salad here."

"You sure you don't take bets? I wanted to put a little action on the Sunday night game."

"Nope. Sorry."

"Then how do you guys manage to stay open? There's never anyone here. I thought for sure you must be taking bets."

"Get outta my store."

"Are you selling fireworks or something?"

"Out, NOW!"

Metamucil: If you're not going to eat 5 servings of vegetables every day, at least get some fiber, Fatty

364 days later...

...and I played basketball again on Friday (first time since the finger).

I'm proud to report that I did NOT get hurt. I actually played pretty well, all things considered.

I kept my middle finger taped up just to be safe. I think if I break anything else, Jen actually is going to buy that bubble for me.

It Makes a Great Paperweight, too

Actual tech support call from my last job:

"I took the monitor that was attached to the laptop and brought it in the other room to use on the workstation. Now I can't see what's going on with the laptop."

"If you open up the laptop, there's a screen attached to it that you can use."

Let's hear it for the men and women of law enforcement!