"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!"

We've been in the new house for a little over three weeks. I'm glad we bought a house that's in "move in" condition, because there's still a lot that needs to get done. The little stuff adds up.

My new theory on home ownership is that you're never really done with more than 5% of the stuff that needs to get done around the house at any given time. For every project you finish, there's still 19 more waiting for you.

My latest project has been installing a toilet paper holder in the bathroom (I have no idea what the previous owners did with their tp). It shouldn't be a big deal, right? Just drill two holes, pop the anchors in, and snap on the arm. Well, as it turns out, the previous owners installed some kind of industrial grade wall tiles in the bathroom (we have invited a team of scientists over to study this material and see if it can be used to insulate the space shuttle or reinforce missile bunkers). So what should be a quickie project suddenly becomes a 4-day test of will and strength. It's taken a trip to Lowe's, 2 trips to Home Depot, 2 dead masonry bits, six or seven fully charged drill battery cycles, and many, many hours. And I'm proud to say, we now have a toilet paper holder mounted on the wall.

However, while screwing around the bathroom for the last 4 days, several other projects piled up... There's very little time for the new homeowner to bask in the glory of a job well done. There will always be that other 95% of the project list to get to.

And while this project probably won't add anything to our resale value, the toilet paper holder is truly the mark of any civilized household.