Kid #1: I don't want to eat what you're making for dinner. It smells dreadful.
Me: Well, I'm disappointed in your eating choices but I'm impressed with your vocabulary.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Mortgage Blues
Payin' that mortgage on time...
Oh yes, I'm payin' that mortgage on time...
Gonna make that payment electronically.
'Cause I'm payin' that mortgage on time.
Oh yes, I'm payin' that mortgage on time...
Gonna make that payment electronically.
'Cause I'm payin' that mortgage on time.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Bee Sting
Got stung on the big toe. May have let out an M-F bomb in front of the boys. Father of the Year application currently under review...
Monday, June 11, 2012
Loan Request
"So I understand you're looking for a loan?"
"Yes."
"For your... Video game company? Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"OK then... Have you ever run a company before?"
"No."
"Have ever worked in the video game industry?"
"Ah... no."
"Well... How about a related technology field?"
"Also no."
"So... What relevant skills are you bringing to the table here?"
"None, really."
"And what was your previous job?"
"I used to throw a baseball for a living."
"OK. I'm convinced. Here's $100 million."
"Yes."
"For your... Video game company? Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"OK then... Have you ever run a company before?"
"No."
"Have ever worked in the video game industry?"
"Ah... no."
"Well... How about a related technology field?"
"Also no."
"So... What relevant skills are you bringing to the table here?"
"None, really."
"And what was your previous job?"
"I used to throw a baseball for a living."
"OK. I'm convinced. Here's $100 million."
Thursday, May 24, 2012
What's that smell?
Due to years of allergies and sinus infections, my sense of smell comes and goes. The last few years or so it has mostly been gone.
HOWEVER... it has come back in a big way the last week or so.
...And everything smells horrible to me.
Right now, my brain is overwhelmed. It's like I've forgotten how to filter out these things.
Late spring moisture and early summer heat is combining to make everything kinda earthy - funky.
"Oh Gawd... The dog smells AW-FUL."
"What the hell is that? Is that the compost pile? Yikes."
(Also, my poor wife is probably getting sick of me listing the things I can smell.)
Tonight I will attempt to dull my overloaded senses with a good strong beverage.
HOWEVER... it has come back in a big way the last week or so.
...And everything smells horrible to me.
Right now, my brain is overwhelmed. It's like I've forgotten how to filter out these things.
Late spring moisture and early summer heat is combining to make everything kinda earthy - funky.
"Oh Gawd... The dog smells AW-FUL."
"What the hell is that? Is that the compost pile? Yikes."
(Also, my poor wife is probably getting sick of me listing the things I can smell.)
Tonight I will attempt to dull my overloaded senses with a good strong beverage.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Married Life
"So
I looked up the Todd character from "Boogie Nights". I was wondering
why everyone else went on to have big careers but not him. It turns out
it was Thomas Jane."
"I don't know who Todd is."
"You know the firecracker scene toward the end of the movie where they're about to rip the guy off?"
"No."
"With the Chinese kid throwing firecrackers as the tension builds? As "Sister Christian" plays? It's kind of an iconic scene."
"I haven't seen that movie as many times as you have."
"We watched it last night."
"Oh. I must have been asleep."
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Whiskey talk
I was lucky enough to get to try the Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve 20 year recently. I shall now spend the rest of my life trying to recreate that experience.
Believe the hype. It's that good.
If you ever come across a bottle, buy it.
I'm
leaving a little room at the top of my rankings just in case I taste
something better some day... But... I'm not going to hold my breath.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Daddy Wednesday - April 5th, 2012
Home with both kids for the first time.
8:50 Put on "Iron Giant" for Kid #1. He narrates the action as it happens for Kid #2. This is actually pretty cute.
9:15 Spending most of my time feeding the boys. No coffee for me yet.
9:20 Coffee headache. Gah.
9:30 Kid #1 won't stop eating (note to self: ask doctor if tapeworm or growth spurt)
9:45 Kid #2 can hold the bottle by himself now. Good stuff.
10:15 No nap from Kid #2 yet. Degree of difficulty: All Pro.
10:45 Nose got.
11:00 Give Kid #2 the "finger test" to see if he's hungry. He nearly takes my finger off.
11:05 Five minutes of bottle, then he passes out. Niiiice.
11:15 Kid #1 perfectly happy with a morning of "Phineas and Ferb" and legos.
12:15 Kid #1 declares he doesn't need a nap. I'm going to play along and see how this turns out. (Spoiler alert: not well)
12:35 Hands are DELICIOUS.
12:45 Flushable toddler wipes help make a house a home.
2:00 Walkies.
2:30 The walk did not produce the desired napping effect. Now entering: Fussytown. Population: Us.
2:45 After a bottle... ANGRY NAPS.
3:30 ANGRY AWAKE.
3:45 Now Kid #1 starts acting up.
4:00 Kid #2 starts boxing his reflection in the mirror.
4:30 Kid #1 REALLY acting up now. Kid #2 upset, but he's not really sure why. Degree of difficulty: All Madden.
5:25 Tag me out. I'm done.
One last thought- It's amazing how quickly healthy eating gets tossed out the window when you're taking care of small people.
Home with both kids for the first time.
8:50 Put on "Iron Giant" for Kid #1. He narrates the action as it happens for Kid #2. This is actually pretty cute.
9:15 Spending most of my time feeding the boys. No coffee for me yet.
9:20 Coffee headache. Gah.
9:30 Kid #1 won't stop eating (note to self: ask doctor if tapeworm or growth spurt)
9:45 Kid #2 can hold the bottle by himself now. Good stuff.
10:15 No nap from Kid #2 yet. Degree of difficulty: All Pro.
10:45 Nose got.
11:00 Give Kid #2 the "finger test" to see if he's hungry. He nearly takes my finger off.
11:05 Five minutes of bottle, then he passes out. Niiiice.
11:15 Kid #1 perfectly happy with a morning of "Phineas and Ferb" and legos.
12:15 Kid #1 declares he doesn't need a nap. I'm going to play along and see how this turns out. (Spoiler alert: not well)
12:35 Hands are DELICIOUS.
12:45 Flushable toddler wipes help make a house a home.
2:00 Walkies.
2:30 The walk did not produce the desired napping effect. Now entering: Fussytown. Population: Us.
2:45 After a bottle... ANGRY NAPS.
3:30 ANGRY AWAKE.
3:45 Now Kid #1 starts acting up.
4:00 Kid #2 starts boxing his reflection in the mirror.
4:30 Kid #1 REALLY acting up now. Kid #2 upset, but he's not really sure why. Degree of difficulty: All Madden.
5:25 Tag me out. I'm done.
One last thought- It's amazing how quickly healthy eating gets tossed out the window when you're taking care of small people.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Daddy Wednesday. Week 4.
(Parenting pro tip: Never wear black when spending the day with a baby. Neutral colors hide the baby blam much better.)
9:00 - 9:45 First bottle of the day is always tough. Just waiting for the first BIG POOP of the day before we go out (him, not me).
9:46 Annnnnd... There it is.
9:49 WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GODDAMNED BUTTONS THIS OUTFIT?!
10:05 Get dressed, Baby... We're going out!
10:20 - 11:30 OUT! Fresh air! Sunshine! Visiting! Conversations! With other adults!
11:30 Back home. The house smells like stale coffee and asparagus pee with a hint of dog. Might be time to open up a window. (Note to self: These are the things you don't realize when you don't leave the house.) The boy is sleeping hard.
12:20 What is that sound?
12:22 Holy crap, Crazy Neighbor is blowing up a bouncy house. (What other wacky antics am I missing while I'm at work during the day?)
12:30 I make a bagel for myself, then proceed to grab it from the toaster without having a plate to put it on. Damn. Again... Parenting kills brain cells.
1:35 Two hour nap. Then sad.
1:45 After a bottle and a poop, he seems much better.
2:15 Aaga booga boo gabbas.
2:30 How big is Baby? SO BIG!
2:45 - 3:00 Tummy time, peek-a-boo, rolling around on the floor, and general silliness.
3:02 I go to the bathroom then get the "Oh my God, I thought you were never coming back" look.
3:05 - 3:30 Walkies. More fresh air. Glorious.
3:32 I spot a hawk swooping over the area we were just walking. LOOKING FOR TASTY TASTY BABY MEAT, NO DOUBT.
3:40 - 4:20 Unexpected second nap. There might be something to this fresh air thing.
5:30 Back home with Mom. I drop back down to #2 on the depth chart.
8:15 The boys are in bed. The dog has been dewatered. The trash has been taken out. Magic Happy scotch Time for Daddy.
(Parenting pro tip: Never wear black when spending the day with a baby. Neutral colors hide the baby blam much better.)
9:00 - 9:45 First bottle of the day is always tough. Just waiting for the first BIG POOP of the day before we go out (him, not me).
9:46 Annnnnd... There it is.
9:49 WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GODDAMNED BUTTONS THIS OUTFIT?!
10:05 Get dressed, Baby... We're going out!
10:20 - 11:30 OUT! Fresh air! Sunshine! Visiting! Conversations! With other adults!
11:30 Back home. The house smells like stale coffee and asparagus pee with a hint of dog. Might be time to open up a window. (Note to self: These are the things you don't realize when you don't leave the house.) The boy is sleeping hard.
12:20 What is that sound?
12:22 Holy crap, Crazy Neighbor is blowing up a bouncy house. (What other wacky antics am I missing while I'm at work during the day?)
12:30 I make a bagel for myself, then proceed to grab it from the toaster without having a plate to put it on. Damn. Again... Parenting kills brain cells.
1:35 Two hour nap. Then sad.
1:45 After a bottle and a poop, he seems much better.
2:15 Aaga booga boo gabbas.
2:30 How big is Baby? SO BIG!
2:45 - 3:00 Tummy time, peek-a-boo, rolling around on the floor, and general silliness.
3:02 I go to the bathroom then get the "Oh my God, I thought you were never coming back" look.
3:05 - 3:30 Walkies. More fresh air. Glorious.
3:32 I spot a hawk swooping over the area we were just walking. LOOKING FOR TASTY TASTY BABY MEAT, NO DOUBT.
3:40 - 4:20 Unexpected second nap. There might be something to this fresh air thing.
5:30 Back home with Mom. I drop back down to #2 on the depth chart.
8:15 The boys are in bed. The dog has been dewatered. The trash has been taken out. Magic Happy scotch Time for Daddy.
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