These new knives rule!

Next week on '24' - Jack waterskis over a pool of sharks!

Pat's song of the week:

Fiona Apple - "A Better Version Of Me"

Looks like I'll be bringing in my coffee from home for a while...

Are you like me? Does your skin crawl after hearing the words "drinking water" and "fecal contamination" in the same sentence?

The town where I work has a "boil your water" warning going on right now. It could last into next week.

I'm going through bottled water and hand santizer by the gallon.

Am I better off washing my hands or not washing my hands after going to bathroom?

I hate having to ask myself questions like that.

Anybody have any questions for Mr. Kraft or Mr. Belichick? 'Cause I'll be hanging out at The Razor with them on Saturday.

"Bill? Yeah, this is Pat. Yeah, I'm the clubhouse, just finishing up my lunch. Listen, I know you like the linebacker from Georgia here, but I'm thinking you want to take another cornerback..."

The wedding showers are finally done. We got a lot of nice stuff, but we're going to need a bigger apartment to put it all in...

The detox diet was a complete success. Thank you for your support.

Dear Recovery Day,

Baby, you're sooo good for me. I miss you when we're apart. Our time apart makes me appreciate you that much more. I wish we could spend even more time together.

I can't wait to see you again... Damn.

Love,

Pat's Legs

29 years, 11 months.

Barring some kind of kidnapping and forced entry into the competitive eating circuit over the next four weeks, I will safely be able to say that I am in better shape at 30 than I was at 20.

Unfortunately, this says more about what lousy shape I was in 10 years ago than what great shape I'm in now.

Pat's Detox Diet.

After three days on the road, my intestines were none too pleased with me (I think it was the McGreaseWich with hashbrowns that did me in). I also overdosed on caffeine.

Here's the plan to get back to "normal":

Day 1

(simple proteins, fiber, and lots of fluids)

water
cranberry juice
green tea
oatmeal
peanut butter
turkey
broccoli
almonds
multi-vitamin
aspirin
metamucil

Day 2

(more protein, more carbs, and lots of fluids)

water
cranberry juice
green tea
coffee (maybe)
fruit
yogurt
granola
salad
chicken
almonds
multi-vitamin
aspirin
metamucil

Wish me luck.